THE COMEDY OF ERRORS

THE COMEDY OF ERRORS ON the night of 28 December 1594, the Christmas revels at Gray’s Inn—one of London’s law schools—became so uproarious that one performance planned for the occasion had to be abandoned. Eventually ‘it was thought good not to offer anything of account saving dancing and revelling with gentlewomen; and after such sports a comedy of errors (like to Plautus his Menaechmus) was played by the players. So that night was begun, and continued to the end, in nothing but confusion and errors; whereupon it was ever afterwards called “The Night of Errors”.’ This sounds like a reference to Shakespeare’s play, first printed in the 1623 Folio, which is certainly based in large part on the Roman dramatist Plautus’ comedy Menaechmi. As Shakespeare’s shortest play, it would have been especially suited to late-night performance. Exceptional in having no cues for music, it may have been written for the occasion, or at least have been new in 1594. The comedy in Menaechmi derives from the embarrassment experienced by a man in search of his long-lost twin brother when various people intimately acquainted with that twin—including his wife, his mistress, and his father—mistake the one for the other. Shakespeare greatly increases the possibilities of comic confusion by giving the brothers (both called Antipholus) servants (both called Dromio) who themselves are long-separated twins. An added episode in which Antipholus of Ephesus’ wife, Adriana, bars him from his own house in which she is entertaining his brother is based on another play by Plautus, Amphitruo. Shakespeare sets the comic action within a more serious framework, opening with a scene in which the twin masters’ old father, Egeon, who has arrived at Ephesus in search of them, is shown under imminent sentence of death unless he finds someone to redeem him. This strand of the plot, as well as the surprising revelation that brings about the resolution of the action, is based on the story of Apollonius of Tyre which Shakespeare was to use again, many years later, in Pericles. The Comedy of Errors is a kind of diploma piece, as if Shakespeare were displaying his ability to outshine both his classical progenitors and their English imitators. Along with The Tempest, it is his most classically constructed play: all the action takes place within a few hours and in a single place. Moreover, it seems to make use of the conventionalized arcade setting of academic drama, with three ‘houses’—the Phoenix, the Porcupine, and the Priory—represented by doors and signs on stage. The working out of the complexities inherent in the basic situation represents a considerable intellectual feat. But the comedy is humanized by the interweaving of romantic elements, such as Egeon’s initial plight, the love between the visiting Antipholus and his twin brother’s wife’s sister, Luciana, and the entirely serious portrayal of Egeon’s suffering when his own son fails to recognize him at the moment of his greatest need. From time to time the comic tension is relaxed by the presence of discursive set pieces, none more memorable than Dromio of Syracuse’s description of Nell, the kitchen wench who is ‘spherical, like a globe’. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY Solinus, DUKE of Ephesus EGEON, a merchant of Syracuse, father of the Antipholus twins ADRIANA, wife of Antipholus of Ephesus LUCIANA, her sister NELL, Adriana’s kitchen-maid ANGELO, a goldsmith BALTHASAR, a merchant A COURTESAN Doctor PINCH, a schoolmaster and exorcist MERCHANT OF EPHESUS, a friend of Antipholus of Syracuse SECOND MERCHANT, Angelo’s creditor EMILIA, an abbess at Ephesus Jailer, messenger, headsman, officers, and other attendants

The Comedy of Errors

Atto 1, Scena 1

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Solinus, the Duke of Ephesus, with Egeon the Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other attendants
EGEON	Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall, And by the doom of death end woes and all.
DUKE	Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more. I am not partial to infringe our laws. The enmity and discord which of late Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your Duke To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen, Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives, Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods, Excludes all pity from our threat‘ning looks. For since the mortal and intestine jars ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us, It hath in solemn synods been decreed, Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, To admit no traffic to our adverse towns. Nay more: if any born at Ephesus Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs; Again, if any Syracusian born Come to the bay of Ephesus—he dies, His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose, Unless a thousand marks be levied To quit the penalty and ransom him. Thy substance, valued at the highest rate, Cannot amount unto a hundred marks. Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
EGEON	Yet this my comfort: when your words are done, My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
DUKE	Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause Why thou departed‘st from thy native home, And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus.
EGEON	A heavier task could not have been imposed Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable. Yet, that the world may witness that my end Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence, I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave. In Syracusa was I born, and wed Unto a woman happy but for me, And by me happy, had not our hap been bad. With her I lived in joy, our wealth increased By prosperous voyages I often made To Epidamnum, till my factor’s death, And the great care of goods at random left, Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse, From whom my absence was not six months old Before herself—almost at fainting under The pleasing punishment that women bear- Had made provision for her following me, And soon and safe arrived where I was. There had she not been long but she became A joyful mother of two goodly sons; And, which was strange, the one so like the other As could not be distinguished but by names. That very hour, and in the selfsame inn, A mean-born woman was delivered Of such a burden male, twins both alike. Those, for their parents were exceeding poor, I bought, and brought up to attend my sons. My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys, Made daily motions for our home return. Unwilling, I agreed. Alas! Too soon We came aboard. A league from Epidamnum had we sailed Before the always-wind-obeying deep Gave any tragic instance of our harm. But longer did we not retain much hope, For what obscured light the heavens did grant Did but convey unto our fearful minds A doubtful warrant of immediate death, Which though myself would gladly have embraced, Yet the incessant weepings of my wife— Weeping before for what she saw must come— And piteous plainings of the pretty babes, That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear, Forced me to seek delays for them and me. And this it was—for other means was none: The sailors sought for safety by our boat, And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us. My wife, more careful for the latter-born, Had fastened him unto a small spare mast Such as seafaring men provide for storms. To him one of the other twins was bound, Whilst I had been like heedful of the other. The children thus disposed, my wife and I, Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed, Fastened ourselves at either end the mast, And floating straight, obedient to the stream, Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought. At length the sun, gazing upon the earth, Dispersed those vapours that offended us, And by the benefit of his wished light The seas waxed calm, and we discovered Two ships from far, making amain to us: Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this. But ere they came—O let me say no more! Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE	Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so, For we may pity though not pardon thee.
EGEON	O, had the gods done so, I had not now Worthily termed them merciless to us. For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues, We were encountered by a mighty rock, Which being violently borne upon, Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst, So that in this unjust divorce of us Fortune had left to both of us alike What to delight in, what to sorrow for. Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdened With lesser weight but not with lesser woe, Was carried with more speed before the wind, And in our sight they three were taken up By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought. At length another ship had seized on us, And, knowing whom it was their hap to save, Gave healthful welcome to their shipwrecked guests, And would have reft the fishers of their prey Had not their barque been very slow of sail; And therefore homeward did they bend their course. Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss, That by misfortunes was my life prolonged To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
DUKE	And for the sake of them thou sorrow’st for, Do me the favour to dilate at full What have befall’n of them and thee till now.
EGEON	My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, At eighteen years became inquisitive After his brother, and importuned me That his attendant—so his case was like, Reft of his brother, but retained his name— Might bear him company in the quest of him; Whom whilst I laboured of a love to see, I hazarded the loss of whom I loved. Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece, Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia, And coasting homeward came to Ephesus, Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought Or that or any place that harbours men. But here must end the story of my life, And happy were I in my timely death Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE	Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked To bear the extremity of dire mishap, Now trust me, were it not against our laws— Which princes, would they, may not disannul— Against my crown, my oath, my dignity, My soul should sue as advocate for thee. But though thou art adjudged to the death, And passed sentence may not be recalled But to our honour’s great disparagement, Yet will I favour thee in what I can. Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day To seek thy health by beneficial help. Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus: Beg thou or borrow to make up the sum, And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die. Jailer, take him to thy custody.
JAILER	I will, my lord.
EGEON	Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend, But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
(didascalia)	Exeunt

Atto 1, Scena 2

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the bay Antipholus of Syracuse, Merchant of Ephesus, and Dromio of Syracuse
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
(didascalia)	Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum, Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate. This very day a Syracusian merchant Is apprehended for arrival here, And, not being able to buy out his life, According to the statute of the town
(didascalia)	Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
(didascalia)	There is your money that I had to keep.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Dromio) Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
(didascalia)	Within this hour it will be dinner-time.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Till that I’ll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, And then return and sleep within mine inn; For with long travel I am stiff and weary. Get thee away.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Many a man would take you at your word, And go indeed, having so good a mean. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, When I am dull with care and melancholy, Lightens my humour with his merry jests. What, will you walk with me about the town, And then go to my inn and dine with me?
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I am invited, sir, to certain merchants Of whom I hope to make much benefit. I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock, Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart, And afterward consort you till bedtime. My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Farewell till then. I will go lose myself, And wander up and down to view the city.
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Sir, I commend you to your own content. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	He that commends me to mine own content Commends me to the thing I cannot get. I to the world am like drop of water That in the ocean seeks another drop, Who, falling there to find his fellow forth, Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself. So I, to find a mother and a brother, In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Here comes the almanac of my true date. What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Returned so soon? Rather approached too late. The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit. The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; My mistress made it one upon my cheek. She is so hot because the meat is cold. The meat is cold because you come not home. You come not home because you have no stomach. You have no stomach, having broke your fast; But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray Are penitent for your default today.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray: Where have you left the money that I gave you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O—sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper? The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I am not in a sportive humour now. Tell me, and dally not: where is the money? We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner. I from my mistress come to you in post. If I return I shall be post indeed, For she will scour your fault upon my pate. Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock, And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season. Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	My charge was but to fetch you from the mart Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner. My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Now, as I am a Christian, answer me In what safe place you have bestowed my money, Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks when I am undisposed. Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I have some marks of yours upon my pate, Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both. If I should pay your worship those again, Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Your worship’s wife, my mistress, at the Phoenix: She that doth fast till you come home to dinner, And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face, Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave! He beats Dromio
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands! Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Upon my life, by some device or other The villain is o’er-raught of all my money. They say this town is full of cozenage, As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye, Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind, Soul-killing witches that deform the body, Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks, And many suchlike libertines of sin. If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner. I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave. I greatly fear my money is not safe. Exit

Atto 2, Scena 1

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana, wife of Antipholus of Ephesus, with Luciana, her sister
ADRIANA	Neither my husband nor the slave returned That in such haste I sent to seek his master? Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
LUCIANA	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner. Good sister, let us dine, and never fret. A man is master of his liberty. Time is their mistress, and when they see time They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANA	Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANA	Because their business still lies out o’ door.
ADRIANA	Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
LUCIANA	O, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANA	There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANA	Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe. There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky. The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls Are their males’ subjects and at their controls. Man, more divine, the master of all these, Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas, Indued with intellectual sense and souls, Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords. Then let your will attend on their accords.
ADRIANA	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANA	Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
ADRIANA	But were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANA	Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.
ADRIANA	How if your husband start some otherwhere?
LUCIANA	Till he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANA	Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause: They can be meek that have no other cause. A wretched soul, bruised with adversity, We bid be quiet when we hear it cry. But were we burdened with like weight of pain, As much or more we should ourselves complain. So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, With urging helpless patience would relieve me. But if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANA	Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus
LUCIANA	Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.
ADRIANA	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
ADRIANA	Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I? Ay, he told his mind upon mine ear. Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANA	Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?
DROMIO OF RPHESUS	Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce under-stand them.
ADRIANA	But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
ADRIANA	Horn-mad, thou villain?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I mean not cuckold-mad, but sure he is stark mad. When I desired him to come home to dinner, He asked me for a thousand marks in gold. ‘’Tis dinner-time,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he. ‘Your meat doth burn,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he. ‘Will you come home?’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he; ‘Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?’ ‘The pig’, quoth I, ‘is burned.’ ‘My gold!’ quoth he. ‘My mistress, sir—’ quoth I. ‘Hang up thy mistress! I know thy mistress not. Out on thy mistress!’
LUCIANA	Quoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Quoth my master. ‘I know’, quoth he, ‘no house, no wife, no mistress.’ So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders; For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANA	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Go back again and be new beaten home? For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANA	A Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	An he will bless that cross with other beating, Between you I shall have a holy head.
ADRIANA	Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. She beats Dromio
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither. If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
(didascalia)	Exit
LUCIANA	(to Adriana) Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!
ADRIANA	His company must do his minions grace, Whilst I at home starve for a merry look. Hath homely age th’alluring beauty took From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it. Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit? If voluble and sharp discourse be marred, Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard. Do their gay vestments his affections bait? That’s not my fault: he’s master of my state. What ruins are in me that can be found By him not ruined? Then is he the ground Of my defeatures. My decayed fair A sunny look of his would soon repair. But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale, And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANA	Self-harming jealousy! Fie, beat it hence.
ADRIANA	Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense. I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, Or else what lets it but he would be here? Sister, you know he promised me a chain. Would that alone o’ love he would detain, So he would keep fair quarter with his bed. I see the jewel best enamelled Will lose her beauty. Yet the gold bides still That others touch; and often touching will Wear gold, and yet no man that hath a name By falsehood and corruption doth it shame. Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
LUCIANA	How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Atto 2, Scena 2

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave Is wandered forth in care to seek me out. By computation and mine host’s report, I could not speak with Dromio since at first I sent him from the mart! See, here he comes.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How now, sir, is your merry humour altered? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? You received no gold? Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix?—Wast thou mad, That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I did not see you since you sent me hence Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt, And told‘st me of a mistress and a dinner, For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am glad to see you in this merry vein. What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that. He beats Dromio
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Hold, sir, for God’s sake—now your jest is earnest! Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Because that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love, And make a common of my serious hours. When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, But creep in crannies when he hides his beams. If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanour to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	‘Sconce’ call you it? So you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head. An you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Dost thou not know?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Shall I tell you why?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	‘Why’ first: for flouting me; and then ‘wherefore’: For urging it the second time to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?— Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. 51
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I’ll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, I think the meat wants that I have. 56
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	In good time, sir. What’s that?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Basting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, then ’twill be dry.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Your reason? 61
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another dry basting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There’s a time for all things. 65
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I durst have denied that before you were so choleric.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	By what rule, sir?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Let’s hear it.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There’s no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	May he not do it by fine and recovery?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit. 82
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers, without wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The plainer dealer, the sooner lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	For what reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	For two, and sound ones too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sound, I pray you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sure ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Certain ones, then. 96
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Name them.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en no time to recover hair lost by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world’s end will have bald followers.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I knew ’twould be a bald conclusion.
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana and Luciana
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	But soft—who wafts us yonder?
ADRIANA	Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown: Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects. I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow That never words were music to thine ear, That never object pleasing in thine eye, That never touch well welcome to thy hand, That never meat sweet-savoured in thy taste, Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee. How comes it now, my husband, O how comes it That thou art then estranged from thysetf?— Thy ‘self’ I call it, being strange to me That, undividable, incorporate, Am better than thy dear self’s better part. Ah, do not tear away thyself from me; For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall A drop of water in the breaking gulf, And take unmingled thence that drop again Without addition or diminishing, As take from me thyself, and not me too. How dearly would it touch thee to the quick Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious, And that this body, consecrate to thee, By ruffian lust should be contaminate? Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, And hurl the name of husband in my face, And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow, And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it! I am possessed with an adulterate blot; My blood is mingled with the crime of lust. For if we two be one, and thou play false, I do digest the poison of thy flesh, Being strumpeted by thy contagion. Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed, I live unstained, thou undishonourèd.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not. In Ephesus I am but two hours old, As strange unto your town as to your talk, Who, every word by all my wit being scanned, Wants wit in all one word to understand.
LUCIANA	Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you! When were you wont to use my sister thus? She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	By Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By me?
ADRIANA	By thee; and this thou didst return from him— That he did buffet thee, and in his blows Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou liest; for even her very words Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I never spake with her in all my life.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How can she thus then call us by our names ?— Unless it be by inspiration.
ADRIANA	A How ill agrees it with your gravity To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood ! Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. Thou art an elm, my husband; I a vine, Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state, Makes me with thy strength to communicate. If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(aside) To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme. What, was I married to her in my dream? Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this? What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty, I’ll entertain the offered fallacy.
LUCIANA	Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(aside) O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. This is the fairy land. O spite of spites, We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites. If we obey them not, this will ensue: They’ll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANA	Why prat‘st thou to thyself, and answer’st not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(to Antipholus) I am transformed, master, am not I?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, I am an ape.
LUCIANA	If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.
(didascalia)	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE to Antipholus
LUCIANA	’Tis true she rides me, and I long for grass. ’Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be But I should know her as well as she knows me.
ADRIANA	Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn. (To Antipholus) Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.— Husband, I’ll dine above with you today, And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.— Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.— Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(aside) Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised? Known unto these, and to myself disguised! I’ll say as they say, and persever so, And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
ADRIANA	Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANA	Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Atto 3, Scena 1

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us all. My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I lingered with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that tomorrow you will bring it home.— But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know—II That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show. If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You’re sad, Signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
BALTHASAR	I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	O, Signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHASAR	Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
BALTHASAR	Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But soft, my door is locked. (To Dromio) Go bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(calling) Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within) Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Who talks within there ? Ho, open the door!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, an you’ll tell me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Wherefore? For my dinner—I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name. The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or thy name for an ass.
(didascalia)	Enter Nell within the Phoenix
NELL	(within the Phoenix) What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Let my master in, Nell.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Faith no, he comes too late; And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O Lord, I must laugh. Have at you with a proverb: ‘Shall I set in my staff?’
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Have at you with another—that’s ‘When ? Can you tell?’
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix)
(didascalia)	If thy name be called Nell, Nell, thou hast answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Nell) Do you hear, you minion ? You’ll let us in, I hope ?
NELL	(within the Phoenix) I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within) And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	So, come help.
(didascalia)	He and Antipholus beat the door
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Well struck! There was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Nell) Thou baggage, let me in.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, knock the door hard.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
(didascalia)	Enter Adriana within the Phoenix
ADRIANA	(within the Phoenix) Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Are you there, wife ? You might have come before.
ADRIANA	(within the Phoenix) Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
(didascalia)	Exit with Nell
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Antipholus) If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.
BALTHASAR	In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Antipholus) They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold. It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Go fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind; Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here’s too much ‘Out upon thee!’ I pray thee, let me in.
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix) Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Well, I’ll break in.—Go borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather. (To Dromio of Syracuse) If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR	Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so! Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect Th’unviolated honour of your wife. Once this: your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years, and modesty, Plead on her part some cause to you unknown; And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me. Depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it, And that supposed by the common rout Against your yet ungallèd estimation, That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead. For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where once it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet, And in despite of mirth mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle. There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife—but, I protest, without desert— Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal. To her will we to dinner. (To Angelo) Get you home And fetch the chain. By this, I know, ’tis made. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine, For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow— Be it for nothing but to spite my wife— Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste: Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO	I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Do so.
(didascalia)	Exit Angelo
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	This jest shall cost me some expense.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Dromio of Syracuse within the
(didascalia)	Phoenix, and the others into the Porcupine

Atto 3, Scena 2

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Luciana with Antipholus of Syracuse
LUCIANA	And may it be that you have quite forgot A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus, Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot? Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous? If you did wed my sister for her wealth, Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more kindness; Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth: Muffle your false love with some show of blindness. Let not my sister read it in your eye. Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator. Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger. Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted: Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint. Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted? What simple thief brags of his own attaint? ‘Tis double wrong to truant with your bed, And let her read it in thy looks at board. Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
III	deeds is doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women, make us but believe— Being compact of credit—that you love us. Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve. We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine. Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not Than our earth’s wonder, more than earth divine. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak. Lay open to my earthy gross conceit, Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words’ deceit. Against my soul’s pure truth why labour you To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? Would you create me new? Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Nor to her bed no homage do I owe. Far more, far more, to you do I decline. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note To drown me in thy sister’s flood of tears. Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote. Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I’ll take them, and there lie, And in that glorious supposition think He gains by death that hath such means to die. Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink.
LUCIANA	What, are you mad, that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know.
LUCIANA	It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANA	Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANA	Why call you me ‘love’ ? Call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thy sister’s sister.
LUCIANA	That’s my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	No, It is thyself, mine own self’s better part, Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart, My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim, My sole earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim.
LUCIANA	All this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee. Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life. Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife. Give me thy hand.
LUCIANA	O soft, sir, hold you still; I’ll fetch my sister to get her good will.
(didascalia)	Exit
(didascalia)	into
LUCIANA	the
(didascalia)	Phoenix
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Dromio of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, how now, Dromiol Where runn’st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Do you know me, sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am an ass, I am a woman’s man, and besides myself.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What woman’s man? And how besides thyself?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman: one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast—not that, I being a beast, she would have me, but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A very reverend body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say ‘sir-reverence’. I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? 95 5
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Swart like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept. For why?—She sweats a man may go overshoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	That’s a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, ’tis in grain. Noah’s flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What’s her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nell, sir. But her name and three-quarters—that’s an ell and three-quarters—will not measure her from hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE In what part of her body stands Ireland?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of her hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	In her forehead, armed and reverted, making war against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, sir, upon her nose, all o’er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge or diviner laid claim to me, called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told me what privy marks I had about me—as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm—that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch. And I think if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transformed me to a curtal dog, and made me turn i’th’ wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. An if the wind blow any way from shore, I will not harbour in this town tonight. If any barque put forth, come to the mart, Where I will walk till thou return to me. If everyone knows us, and we know none, ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	As from a bear a man would run for life, So fly I from her that would be my wife.
(didascalia)	Exit to the bay
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	There’s none but witches do inhabit here, And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence. She that doth call me husband, even my soul Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister, Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace, Of such enchanting presence and discourse, Hath almost made me traitor to myself. But lest myself be guilty to self-wrong, I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
(didascalia)	Enter Angelo with the chain
ANGELO	Master Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Ay, that’s my name.
ANGELO	I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain. I thought to have ta’en you at the Porcupine. The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(taking the chain) What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO	What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not.
ANGELO	Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have. Go home with it, and please your wife withal, And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you, And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I pray you, sir, receive the money now, For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO	You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What I should think of this I cannot tell. But this I think: there’s no man is so vain That would refuse so fair an offered chain. I see a man here needs not live by shifts, When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay. If any ship put out, then straight away! Exit

Atto 4, Scena 1

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Second Merchant, Angelo the goldsmith, and an Officer
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Angelo) You know since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importuned you; Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage. Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO	Even just the sum that I do owe to you Is growing to me by Antipholus, And in the instant that I met with you He had of me a chain. At five o’clock I shall receive the money for the same. Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the Courtesan’s house (the Porcupine)
OFFICER	That labour may you save. See where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Dromio) While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates For locking me out of my doors by day. But soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone. Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Angelo) A man is well holp up that trusts to you! I promised your presence and the chain, But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. Belike you thought our love would last too long If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO	Saving your merry humour, here’s the note How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion, Which doth amount to three odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman. I pray you see him presently discharged, For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I am not furnished with the present money. Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signor, take the stranger to my house, And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof. Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO	Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	No, bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO	Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	An if I have not, sir, I hope you have; Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO	Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain. Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porcupine. I should have chid you for not bringing it, But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Angelo) The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) You hear how he importunes me. The chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO	Come, come, you know I gave it you even now. Either send the chain, or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fie, now you run this humour out of breath. Come, where’s the chain? I pray you let me see it.
SECOND MERCHANT	My business cannot brook this dalliance. Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no; If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO	The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO	You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO	You wrong me more, sir, in denying it. Consider how it stands upon my credit.
SECOND MERCHANT	Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER	(to Angelo) I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey me.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) This touches me in reputation. Either consent to pay this sum for me, Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Consent to pay thee that I never had? Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO	Here is thy fee: arrest him, officer. I would not spare my brother in this case If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER	(to Antipholus) I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I do obey thee till I give thee bail. (To Angelo) But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO	Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, there’s a barque of Epidamnum That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then she bears away. Our freightage, sir, I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope, And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	You sent me for a ropës end as soon. You sent me to the bay, sir, for a barque.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight. Give her this key, and tell her in the desk That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it. Tell her I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Be gone !— On, officer, to prison, till it come.
(didascalia)	Exeunt all but Dromio of Syracuse
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	To Adriana. That is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband. She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will; For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil. Exit

Atto 4, Scena 2

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana and Luciana
ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest, yea or no? Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? What observation mad’st thou in this case Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA	First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA	He meant he did me none, the more my spite.
LUCIANA	Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA	And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA	Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA	And what said he?
LUCIANA	That love I begged for you, he begged of me.
ADRIANA	With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA	With words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA	Didst speak him fair?
LUCIANA	Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA	I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still. My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere, Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA	Who would be jealous, then, of such a one? No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
ADRIANA	Ah, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away. My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse running
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet now, make haste!
LUCIANA	How? Hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE By running fast.
ADRIANA	Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. A devil in an everlasting garment hath him, One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel; A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough; A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow launds; A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dryfoot well; One that before the Judgement carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANA	Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I do not know the matter, he is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA	What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I know not at whose suit he is arrested well, But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I tell. Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the money in his desk?
ADRIANA	Go fetch it, sister.
(didascalia)	Exit Luciana into the Phoenix
ADRIANA	This I wonder at, That he unknown to me should be in debt. Tell me, was he arrested on a bond?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not on a bond but on a stronger thing: A chain, a chain—do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA	What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, no, the bell. ‘Tis time that I were gone: It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
ADRIANA	The hours come back! That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a turns back for very fear.
ADRIANA	As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth to season. Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say That time comes stealing on by night and day? If a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way, Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
(didascalia)	Enter Luciana from the Phoenix with the money
ADRIANA	Go, Dromio, there’s the money. Bear it straight, And bring thy master home immediately.
(didascalia)	Exit Dromiol
ADRIANA	Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit: Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Atto 4, Scena 3

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the chain
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend, And everyone doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me, some invite me, Some other give me thanks for kindnesses. Some offer me commodities to buy. Even now a tailor called me in his shop, And showed me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles, And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse with the money
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got redemption from the picture of old Adam new apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison—he that goes in the calf’s skin, that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? Why, ‘tis a plain case: he that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that when gentlemen are tired gives them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a Moorish pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What, thou mean’st an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band: he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his bond; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says ‘God give you good rest.’
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the barque Expedition put forth tonight, and then were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you. 41
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distraught, and so am I, And here we wander in illusions. Some blessed power deliver us from hence.
(didascalia)	Enter a Courtesan from the Porcupine
COURTESAN	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now. Is that the chain you promised me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches say ‘God damn me’—that’s as much to say, ‘God make me a light wench.’ It is written they appear to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn. Ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
COURTESAN	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, and bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Courtesan) Avoid, thou fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress. I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or for my diamond the chain you promised, And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise; an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.
COURTESAN	(to Antipholus) I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain. I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch !—Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	‘Fly pride’ says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
COURTESAN	Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad; Else would he never so demean himself. A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain. Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, Is a mad tale he told today at dinner Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house, And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rushed into my house, and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose, For forty ducats is too much to lose. Exit

Atto 4, Scena 4

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus with the Officer
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fear me not, man, I will not break away. I’ll give thee ere I leave thee so much money To warrant thee as I am ‘rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood today, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attached in Ephesus. I tell you ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a rope’s end
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Here comes my man. I think he brings the money.— How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	But where’s the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. He beats Dromio
OFFICER	Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, ’tis for me to be patient: I am in adversity. 21
OFFICER	Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I am an ass indeed. You may prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating. When I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home, welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat, and I think when he hath lamed me I shall beg with it from door to door.
(didascalia)	Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a schoolmaster called Pinch
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Come, go along: my wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Mistress, respice finem respect your end—or rather, to prophesy like the parrot, ‘Beware the rope’s end’.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Wilt thou still talk? He beats Dromio
COURTESAN	(to Adriana) How say you now ? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA	His incivility confirms no less.— Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer. Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA	Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTESAN	Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH	(to Antipholus) Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. He strikes Pinch
PINCH	I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
ADRIANA	O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut, And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA	O husband, God doth know you dined at home, Where would you had remained until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dined at home? (To Dromio) Thou villain, what sayst thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Were not my doors locked up, and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Pardie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLIIS OF EPHESUS	And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Certes she did. The kitchen vestal scorned you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	In verity you did. My bones bears witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
ADRIANA	(aside to Pinch) Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH	(aside to Adriana) It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein, And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA	Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Money by me ? Heart and good will you might, But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA	He came to me, and I delivered it.
LUCIANA	And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	God and the ropemaker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH	(aside to Adriana) Mistress, both man and master is possessed. I know it by their pale and deadly looks. They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today, (To Dromio) And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA	I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And, gentle master, I received no gold. But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
ADRIANA	Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. But with these nails I’ll pluck out those false eyes, That would behold in me this shameful sport.
(didascalia)	He reaches for Adriana ; she shrieks. Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives
ADRIANA	O, bind him, bind him. Let him not come near me.
PINCH	More company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA	Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	What, will you murder me?—Thou, jailer, thou, I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?
OFFICER	Masters, let him go. He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH	Go, bind his man, for he is frantic too. They bind Dromio
ADRIANA	What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OFFICER	He is my prisoner. If I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANA	I will discharge thee ere I go from thee. Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.— Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master— Cry, ‘The devil!’
LUCIANA	God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA	Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix, Pinch and others carrying off Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus. The Officer, Adriana, Luciana, and the Courtesan remain
ADRIANA	(To the Officer) Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
OFFICER	One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?
ADRIANA	I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OFFICER	Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA	Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER	Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA	He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
COURTESAN	Whenas your husband all in rage today Came to my house, and took away my ring— The ring I saw upon his finger now— Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA	It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is. I long to know the truth hereof at large.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse (wearing the chain) and Dromio of Syracuse with their rapiers drawn
LUCIANA	God, for thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA	And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help To have them bound again.
OFFICER	Away, they’ll kill us! All but Antipholus and Dromio run out, as fast as may be, frighted
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence. I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, stay here this night. They will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I will not stay tonight for all the town. Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
(didascalia)	Exeunt

Atto 5, Scena 1

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Second Merchant and Angelo the goldsmith
ANGELO	I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you, But I protest he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT	How is the man esteemed here in the city?
ANGELO	Of very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly beloved, Second to none that lives here in the city. His word might bear my wealth at any time.
SECOND MERCHANT	Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the
SECOND MERCHANT	chain, and Dromio of Syracuse again
ANGELO	‘Tis so, and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.— Signor Antipholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble, And not without some scandal to yourself, With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain, which now you wear so openly. Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend, Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea today. This chain you had of me. Can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think I had. I never did deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT	Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
SECOND MERCHANT	These ears of mine, thou know‘st, did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch! ’Tis pity that thou liv’st To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thou art a villain to impeach me thus. I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou dar’st stand.
SECOND MERCHANT	I dare, and do defy thee for a villain. They draw. Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan,
(didascalia)	and others from
SECOND MERCHANT	the
(didascalia)	Phoenix
ADRIANA	Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake; he is mad. Some get within him, take his sword away. Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Run, master, run! For God’s sake take a house. This is some priory—in, or we are spoiled.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the priory
(didascalia)	Enter from the priory the Lady Abbess
ABBESS	Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA	To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. Let us come in, that we may bind him fast, And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO	I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
SECOND MERCHANT	I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS	How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA	This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much, much different from the man he was; But till this afternoon his passion Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS	Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck at sea? Buried some dear friend?Hath not else his eye Strayed his affection in unlawful love— A sin prevailing much in youthful men, Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing? Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA	To none of these, except it be the last, Namely some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS	You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA	Why, so I did.
ABBESS	Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA	As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS	Haply in private.
ADRIANA	And in assemblies too.
ABBESS	Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA	It was the copy of our conference. In bed he slept not for my urging it. At board he fed not for my urging it. Alone, it was the subject of my theme. In company I often glancèd it. Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS	And thereof came it that the man was mad. The venom clamours of a jealous woman Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth. It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing, And thereof comes it that his head is light. Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings. Unquiet meals make ill digestions. Thereof the raging fire offever bred, And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? Thou sayst his sports were hindered by thy brawls. Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue But moody and dull melancholy, Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair, And at her heels a huge infectious troop Of pale distemperatures and foes to Life? In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest To be disturbed would mad or man or beast. The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA	She never reprehended him but mildly When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and wildly. (To Adriana) Why bear you these rebukes, and answer not?
ADRIANA	She did betray me to my own reproof.— Good people, enter, and lay hold on him.
ABBESS	No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA	Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS	Neither. He took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands Till I have brought him to his wits again, Or lose my labour in essaying it.
ADRIANA	I will attend my husband, be his nurse, Diet his sickness, for it is my office, And will have no attorney but myself. And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS	Be patient, for I will not let him stir Till I have used the approved means I have, With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers To make of him a formal man again. It is a branch and parcel of mine oath, A charitable duty of my order. Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA	I will not hence, and leave my husband here; And ill it doth beseem your holiness To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS	Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.
(didascalia)	Exit into the priory
LUCIANA	(to Adriana) Complain unto the Duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA	Come, go, I will fall prostrate at his feet, And never rise until my tears and prayers Have won his grace to come in person hither And take perforce my husband from the Abbess.
SECOND MERCHANT	By this, I think, the dial point’s at five. Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person Comes this way to the melancholy vale, The place of death and sorry execution, Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO	Upon what cause?
SECOND MERCHANT	To see a reverend Syracusian merchant, Who put unluckily into this bay Against the laws and statutes of this town, Beheaded publicly for his offence.
ANGELO	See where they come. We will behold his death.
LUCIANA	Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
(didascalia)	Enter Solinus Duke of Ephesus, and Egeon the merchant of Syracuse, bareheaded, with the headsman and other officers
DUKE	Yet once again proclaim it publicly: If any friend will pay the sum for him, He shall not die, so much we tender him.
ADRIANA	(kneeling) Justice, most sacred Duke, against the Abbess!
DUKE	She is a virtuous and a reverend lady. It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANA	May it please your grace, Antipholus my husband, Who I made lord of me and all I had At your important letters—this ill day A most outrageous fit of madness took him, That desp’rately he hurried through the street, With him his bondman, all as mad as he, Doing displeasure to the citizens By rushing in their houses, bearing thence Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like. Once did I get him bound, and sent him home, Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went That here and there his fury had committed. Anon, I wot not by what strong escape, He broke from those that had the guard of him, And with his mad attendant and himself, Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords, Met us again, and, madly bent on us, Chased us away; till, raising of more aid, We came again to bind them. Then they fled Into this abbey, whither we pursued them, And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us, And will not suffer us to fetch him out, Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence. Therefore, most gracious Duke, with thy command Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for help.
(didascalia)	DUKE raising Adriana
ADRIANA	Long since, thy husband served me in my wars, And I to thee engaged a prince’s word, When thou didst make him master of thy bed, To do him all the grace and good I could.— Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, And bid the Lady Abbess come to me. I will determine this before I stir.
(didascalia)	Enter a Messenger from the Phoenix
MESSENGER	(to Adriana) O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself! My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the Doctor, Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire, And ever as it blazed they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair. My master preaches patience to him, and the while His man with scissors nicks him like a fool; And sure—unless you send some present help- Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA	Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER	Mistress, upon my life I tell you true. I have not breathed almost since I did see it. He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face and to disfigure you. Cry within Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, be gone!
DUKE	(to Adriana) Come stand by me. Fear nothing. Guard with halberds!
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the Phoenix
ADRIANA	Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you That he is borne about invisible. Even now we housed him in the abbey here, And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Justice, most gracious Duke, O grant me justice, Even for the service that long since I did thee, When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice!
EGEON	(aside) Unless the fear of death doth make me dote, I see my son Antipholus, and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there, She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife, That hath abused and dishonoured me Even in the strength and height of injury. Beyond imagination is the wrong That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE	Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	This day, great Duke, she shut the doors upon me While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE	A grievous fautt!—Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA	No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister Today did dine together. So befall my soul As this is false he burdens me withal.
LUCIANA	Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night But she tells to your highness simple truth.
ANGELO	(aside) O perjured woman! They are both forsworn. In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	My liege, I am advised what I say, Neither disturbed with the effect of wine, Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire, Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad. This woman locked me out this day from dinner. That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her, Could witness it, for he was with me then, Who parted with me to go fetch a chain, Promising to bring it to the Porcupine, Where Balthasar and I did dine together. Our dinner done, and he not coming thither, I went to seek him. In the street I met him, And in his company that gentleman. He points to the Second Merchant There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down That I this day of him received the chain, Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which He did arrest me with an officer. I did obey, and sent my peasant home For certain ducats. He with none returned. Then fairly I bespoke the officer To go in person with me to my house. By th’ way, we met my wife, her sister, and a rabble more Of vile confederates. Along with them They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller, A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, A living dead man. This pernicious slave, Forsooth,took on him as a conjurer, And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse, And with no face, as ’twere, outfacing me, Cries out I was possessed. Then all together They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, And in a dark and dankish vault at home There left me and my man, both bound together, Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder, I gained my freedom, and immediately Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech To give me ample satisfaction For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO	My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him: That he dined not at home, but was locked out.
DUKE	But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
ANGELO	He had, my lord, and when he ran in here These people saw the chain about his neck.
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Antipholus) Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine Heard you confess you had the chain of him, After you first forswore it on the mart, And thereupon I drew my sword on you; And then you fled into this abbey here, From whence I think you are come by miracle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never came within these abbey walls, Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. I never saw the chain, so help me heaven, And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE	Why, what an intricate impeach is this! I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup. If here you housed him, here he would have been. If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly. (To Adriana) You say he dined at home, the goldsmith here Denies that saying. (To Dromio) Sirrah, what say you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(pointing out the Courtesan) Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porcupine.
COURTESAN	He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
DUKE	(to Courtesan) Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
COURTESAN	As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
DUKE	Why, this is strange. Go call the Abbess hither. I think you are all mated, or stark mad.
(didascalia)	Exit one to the priory
EGEON	(coming forward) Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word. Haply I see a friend will save my life, And pay the sum that may deliver me.
DUKE	Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
EGEON	(to Antipholus) Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus? And is not that your bondman Dromio?
(didascalia)	Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords. Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.
EGEON	I am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you; For lately we were bound as you are now. You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?
EGEON	Why look you strange on me? You know me well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never saw you in my life till now.
EGEON	O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last, And careful hours with time’s deformed hand Have written strange defeatures in my face. But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Neither.
EGEON	Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, trust me sir, nor I.
EGEON	I am sure thou dost.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him.
EGEON	Not know my voice ? O time’s extremity, Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue In seven short years that here my only son Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares? Though now this grained face of mine be hid In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow, And all the conduits of my blood froze up, Yet hath my night of life some memory, My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left, My dull deaf ears a little use to hear. All these old witnesses, I cannot err, Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never saw my father in my life.
EGEON	But seven years since, in Syracusa bay, Thou know‘st we parted. But perhaps, my son, Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	The Duke, and all that know me in the city, Can witness with me that it is not so. I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE	(to Egeon) I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years Have I been patron to Antipholus, During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
(didascalia)	Enter from the priory the Abbess, with Antipholus
DUKE	of Syracuse, wearing the chain, and Dromio of Syracuse
ABBESS	Most mighty Duke, behold a man much wronged. All gather to see them
ADRIANA	I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE	One of these men is genius to the other: And so of these, which is the natural man, And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I, sir, am Dromio. Pray let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Egeon, art thou not? Or else his ghost.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, my old master, who hath bound him here?
ABBESS	Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds, And gain a husband by his liberty. Speak, old Egeon, if thou beest the man That hadst a wife once called Emilia, That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. O, if thou beest the same Egeon, speak, And speak unto the same Emilia.
DUKE	Why, here begins his morning story right: These two Antipholus’, these two so like, And these two Dromios, one in semblance— Besides his urging of her wreck at sea. These are the parents to these children, Which accidentally are met together.
EGEON	If I dream not, thou art Emilia. If thou art she, tell me, where is that son That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
ABBESS	By men of Epidamnum he and I And the twin Dromio all were taken up. But, by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth By force took Dromio and my son from them, And me they left with those of Epidamnum. What then became of them I cannot tell; I, to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE	(to Antipholus of Syracuse) Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse.
DUKE	Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Brought to this town by that most famous warrior, Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
ADRIANA	Which of you two did dine with me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA	And are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	And so do I. Yet did she call me so; And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here, Did call me brother. (To Luciana) What I told you then I hope I shall have leisure to make good, If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELO	That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think it be, sir. I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Angelo) And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
ANGELO	I think I did, sir. I deny it not.
ADRIANA	(to Antipholus of Ephesus) I sent you money, sir, to be your bail, By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Adriana) This purse of ducats I received from you, And Dromio my man did bring them me. I see we still did meet each other’s man, And I was ta’en for him, and he for me, And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	These ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE	It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.
COURTESAN	Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
ABBESS	Renowned Duke, vouchsafe to take the pains To go with us into the abbey here, And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes, And all that are assembled in this place, That by this sympathized one day’s error Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company, And we shall make full satisfaction. Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail Of you, my sons, and till this present hour My heavy burden ne’er delivered. The Duke, my husband, and my children both, And you the calendars of their nativity, Go to a gossips’ feast, and joy with me. After so long grief, such festivity!
DUKE	With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the priory all but the two Dromios and two brothers Antipholus
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(to Antipholus of Ephesus) Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio. Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon. Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.
(didascalia)	Exeunt the brothers
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Antipholus
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There is a fat friend at your master’s house, That kitchened me for you today at dinner. She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Methinks you are my glass and not my brother. I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth. Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not I, sir, you are my elder.
DROMIO	or EPHESUS That’s a question. How shall we try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	We’ll draw cuts for the senior. Till then, lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, then thus: We came into the world like brother and brother, And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another.
(didascalia)	Exeunt to the priory
THE	first, 1598 edition of Love’s Labour’s Lost is the earliest play text to carry Shakespeare’s name on the title-page, which also refers to performance before the Queen ‘this last Christmas’. The play is said to be ‘Newly corrected and augmented’, so perhaps an earlier edition has failed to survive. Even so, the text shows every sign of having been printed from Shakespeare’s working papers, since it includes some passages in draft as well as in revised form. We print the drafts as Additional Passages. The play was probably written some years before publication, in 1594 or 1595. The setting is Navarre—a kingdom straddling the border between Spain and France—where the young King and three of his friends vow to devote the following three years to austere self-improvement, forgoing the company of women. But they have forgotten the imminent arrival on a diplomatic mission of the Princess of France with, as it happens, three of her ladies; much comedy derives from, first, the men’s embarrassed attempts to conceal from one another that they are falling in love, and second, the girls’ practical joke in exchanging identities when the men, disguised as Russians, come to entertain and to woo them. Shakespeare seems to have picked up the King’s friends’ names—Biron, Dumaine, and Longueville—from leading figures in contemporary France, but to have invented the plot himself. He counterpoints the main action with events involving characters based in part on the type-figures of Italian commedia dell‘arte who reflect facets of the lords’ personalities. Costard, an unsophisticated, open-hearted yokel, and his girl-friend Jaquenetta are sexually uninhibited; Don Adriano de Armado, ‘a refinèd traveller of Spain’ who also, though covertly, loves Jaquenetta, is full of pompous affectation; and Holofernes, a schoolmaster (seen always with his doting companion, the curate Sir Nathaniel), demonstrates the avid pedantry into which the young men’s verbal brilliance could degenerate. Much of the play’s language is highly sophisticated (this is, as the title-page claims, a ‘conceited comedy’), in keeping with its subject matter. But the action reaches its climax when a messenger brings news which is communicated entirely without verbal statement. This is a theatrical masterstroke which also signals Shakespeare’s most daring experiment with comic form. ‘The scene begins to cloud’; in the play’s closing minutes the lords and ladies seek to readjust themselves to the new situation, and the play ends in subdued fashion with a third entertainment, the songs of the owl and the cuckoo. Love’s Labour’s Lost was for long regarded as a play of excessive verbal sophistication, of interest mainly because of a series of supposed topical allusions; but a number of distinguished twentieth-century productions revealed its theatrical mastery.
THE PERSONS OF THE	PLAY Ferdinand, KING of Navarre Don Adriano de ARMADO, an affected Spanish braggart MOTE, his page
PRINCESS	of France COSTARD, a Clown JAQUENETTA, a country wench Sir NATHANIEL, a curate HOLOFERNES, a schoolmaster Anthony DULL, a constable MERCADE, a messenger A FORESTER

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Solinus, the Duke of Ephesus, with Egeon the Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other attendants
EGEON	Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall, And by the doom of death end woes and all.
DUKE	Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more. I am not partial to infringe our laws. The enmity and discord which of late Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your Duke To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen, Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives, Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods, Excludes all pity from our threat‘ning looks. For since the mortal and intestine jars ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us, It hath in solemn synods been decreed, Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, To admit no traffic to our adverse towns. Nay more: if any born at Ephesus Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs; Again, if any Syracusian born Come to the bay of Ephesus—he dies, His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose, Unless a thousand marks be levied To quit the penalty and ransom him. Thy substance, valued at the highest rate, Cannot amount unto a hundred marks. Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.
EGEON	Yet this my comfort: when your words are done, My woes end likewise with the evening sun.
DUKE	Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause Why thou departed‘st from thy native home, And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus.
EGEON	A heavier task could not have been imposed Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable. Yet, that the world may witness that my end Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence, I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave. In Syracusa was I born, and wed Unto a woman happy but for me, And by me happy, had not our hap been bad. With her I lived in joy, our wealth increased By prosperous voyages I often made To Epidamnum, till my factor’s death, And the great care of goods at random left, Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse, From whom my absence was not six months old Before herself—almost at fainting under The pleasing punishment that women bear- Had made provision for her following me, And soon and safe arrived where I was. There had she not been long but she became A joyful mother of two goodly sons; And, which was strange, the one so like the other As could not be distinguished but by names. That very hour, and in the selfsame inn, A mean-born woman was delivered Of such a burden male, twins both alike. Those, for their parents were exceeding poor, I bought, and brought up to attend my sons. My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys, Made daily motions for our home return. Unwilling, I agreed. Alas! Too soon We came aboard. A league from Epidamnum had we sailed Before the always-wind-obeying deep Gave any tragic instance of our harm. But longer did we not retain much hope, For what obscured light the heavens did grant Did but convey unto our fearful minds A doubtful warrant of immediate death, Which though myself would gladly have embraced, Yet the incessant weepings of my wife— Weeping before for what she saw must come— And piteous plainings of the pretty babes, That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear, Forced me to seek delays for them and me. And this it was—for other means was none: The sailors sought for safety by our boat, And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us. My wife, more careful for the latter-born, Had fastened him unto a small spare mast Such as seafaring men provide for storms. To him one of the other twins was bound, Whilst I had been like heedful of the other. The children thus disposed, my wife and I, Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed, Fastened ourselves at either end the mast, And floating straight, obedient to the stream, Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought. At length the sun, gazing upon the earth, Dispersed those vapours that offended us, And by the benefit of his wished light The seas waxed calm, and we discovered Two ships from far, making amain to us: Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this. But ere they came—O let me say no more! Gather the sequel by that went before.
DUKE	Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so, For we may pity though not pardon thee.
EGEON	O, had the gods done so, I had not now Worthily termed them merciless to us. For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues, We were encountered by a mighty rock, Which being violently borne upon, Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst, So that in this unjust divorce of us Fortune had left to both of us alike What to delight in, what to sorrow for. Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdened With lesser weight but not with lesser woe, Was carried with more speed before the wind, And in our sight they three were taken up By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought. At length another ship had seized on us, And, knowing whom it was their hap to save, Gave healthful welcome to their shipwrecked guests, And would have reft the fishers of their prey Had not their barque been very slow of sail; And therefore homeward did they bend their course. Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss, That by misfortunes was my life prolonged To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.
DUKE	And for the sake of them thou sorrow’st for, Do me the favour to dilate at full What have befall’n of them and thee till now.
EGEON	My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, At eighteen years became inquisitive After his brother, and importuned me That his attendant—so his case was like, Reft of his brother, but retained his name— Might bear him company in the quest of him; Whom whilst I laboured of a love to see, I hazarded the loss of whom I loved. Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece, Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia, And coasting homeward came to Ephesus, Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought Or that or any place that harbours men. But here must end the story of my life, And happy were I in my timely death Could all my travels warrant me they live.
DUKE	Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked To bear the extremity of dire mishap, Now trust me, were it not against our laws— Which princes, would they, may not disannul— Against my crown, my oath, my dignity, My soul should sue as advocate for thee. But though thou art adjudged to the death, And passed sentence may not be recalled But to our honour’s great disparagement, Yet will I favour thee in what I can. Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day To seek thy health by beneficial help. Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus: Beg thou or borrow to make up the sum, And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die. Jailer, take him to thy custody.
JAILER	I will, my lord.
EGEON	Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend, But to procrastinate his lifeless end.
(didascalia)	Exeunt

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano Solino, Duca di Efeso, con Egeone il Mercante di Siracusa, il Carceriere e altri seguaci
EGEONE	Procedi, Solino, a procurar la mia caduta, e col verdetto di morte poni fine ai miei mali e a tutto.
DUCA	Mercante di Siracusa, non supplicare oltre. Non sono incline a infrangere le nostre leggi. L’inimicizia e la discordia che di recente nacquero dal rancoroso oltraggio del tuo Duca contro i mercanti, nostri concittadini ben leali, i quali, mancando di fiorini per riscattar la vita, han suggellato col loro sangue i suoi rigorosi statuti, esclude ogni pietà dai nostri sguardi minacciosi. Poiché, dopo le mortali e intestine risse fra i tuoi sediziosi compatrioti e noi, fu decretato in solenni assemblee, tanto dai Siracusani quanto da noi stessi, di non ammettere commercio fra le nostre città nemiche. Anzi di più: se alcuno nato in Efeso sia veduto ai mercati e alle fiere di Siracusa; e ancora, se alcuno nato in Siracusa giunga alla baia d’Efeso — egli muore, e i suoi beni confiscati all’arbitrio del Duca, salvo che mille marchi sian versati a estinguer la pena e a riscattarlo. La tua sostanza, stimata al più alto prezzo, non può giungere a cento marchi. Perciò per legge sei condannato a morire.
EGEONE	Pure questo mi conforta: quando le tue parole avran fine, anche i miei mali finiranno col sole della sera.
DUCA	Ebbene, Siracusano, di’ in breve la ragione per cui partisti dalla tua casa natia, e per qual causa venisti a Efeso.
EGEONE	Compito più gravoso non poteva impormisi che dire i miei dolori indicibili. Pure, perché il mondo testimoni che la mia fine fu opera di natura, non di vile delitto, dirò quanto il mio dolore mi consente. In Siracusa io nacqui, e presi in sposa una donna felice se non fosse per me, e per me felice, se la nostra sorte non fosse stata avversa. Con lei vissi in gioia, e cresceva la ricchezza per i prosperi viaggi ch’io spesso facevo a Epidamno, finché la morte del mio agente, e la gran cura di merci lasciate in abbandono, mi trassero dai teneri amplessi della sposa, dalla quale la mia assenza non contava sei mesi prima ch’ella — quasi venendo meno sotto il gradito castigo che le donne portano — avesse disposto per seguirmi, e presto e salva giunse dov’io ero. Là non fu a lungo che divenne gioiosa madre di due bei figli; e, cosa strana, l’uno così simile all’altro che non si potevano distinguere se non pei nomi. In quella stessa ora, e nella medesima locanda, una donna di umile nascita partorì un simile carico maschile, gemelli anch’essi identici. Quelli, poiché i genitori erano poverissimi, comprai, e allevai perché servissero i miei figli. Mia moglie, non poco orgogliosa di due tali fanciulli, faceva ogni giorno istanza pel ritorno a casa. Malvolentieri acconsentii. Ahimè! Troppo presto salimmo a bordo. Una lega da Epidamno avevamo navigato prima che l’abisso sempre obbediente al vento desse alcun tragico segno del nostro danno. Ma più a lungo non serbammo molta speranza, ché la luce offuscata che i cieli concedevano non recava alle nostre menti impaurite che un dubbio pegno d’immediata morte, la quale, benché io stesso volentieri avrei abbracciato, pure gl’incessanti pianti di mia moglie — che piangeva innanzi per ciò che vedeva dover venire — e i pietosi lamenti dei bei bambini, che si dolevano per usanza, ignari di che temere, mi costrinsero a cercare indugi per loro e per me. E questo fu — ché altro mezzo non v’era: i marinai cercaron salvezza nella nostra scialuppa, e lasciarono a noi la nave, ormai prossima ad affondare. Mia moglie, più sollecita del nato per ultimo, l’aveva legato a un piccolo albero di riserva di quelli che i naviganti approntano per le tempeste. A lui fu legato uno degli altri gemelli, mentr’io ero stato ugualmente sollecito dell’altro. Disposti così i fanciulli, mia moglie ed io, fissando gli occhi su chi era fissa la nostra cura, ci legammo alle due estremità dell’albero, e galleggiando diritti, obbedienti alla corrente, fummo portati verso Corinto, come credemmo. Alfine il sole, mirando sulla terra, disperse quei vapori che ci offendevano, e pel beneficio della sua bramata luce i mari si fecero calmi, e scorgemmo due navi da lontano, che a noi veloci accorrevano: di Corinto quella, d’Epidauro questa. Ma prima che giungessero — oh, ch’io non dica di più! Argomentate il seguito da ciò che precedette.
DUCA	No, prosegui, vecchio; non troncare così, ché possiamo compatirti, benché non perdonarti.
EGEONE	Oh, l’avessero fatto gli dèi, non li avrei ora a ragione chiamati spietati con noi. Ché, prima che le navi s’incontrassero a due volte cinque leghe, fummo incontrati da un possente scoglio, sul quale essendo violentemente sospinti, la nostra soccorrevole nave si spaccò nel mezzo, sì che in questo ingiusto divorzio fra noi la Fortuna aveva lasciato a entrambi del pari di che dilettarsi e di che dolersi. La sua parte, povera anima, parendo gravata di minor peso ma non di minor pena, fu portata con maggior velocità innanzi al vento, e sotto i nostri occhi quei tre furon raccolti da pescatori di Corinto, come credemmo. Alfine un’altra nave ci ebbe afferrati, e, sapendo chi era loro ventura salvare, diede salutare accoglienza ai naufraghi ospiti, e avrebbe strappato ai pescatori la loro preda se la loro barca non fosse stata assai lenta di vela; e perciò verso casa piegarono la rotta. Così m’avete udito diviso dalla mia beatitudine, e che per le sventure fu prolungata la mia vita per narrare tristi storie delle mie proprie sciagure.
DUCA	E per amore di coloro pei quali ti duoli, fammi il favore di esporre per intero che ne fu di loro e di te fino ad ora.
EGEONE	Il mio figlio più giovane, e pure la mia più antica cura, a diciotto anni si fece curioso del suo fratello, e m’importunò perché il suo servo — ché simile era il suo caso, privo del fratello, ma ne serbava il nome — gli tenesse compagnia nella ricerca di lui; e mentre m’affannavo per amore di rivedere l’uno, posi a rischio la perdita di chi amavo. Cinque estati ho speso nella Grecia più remota, vagando per tutti i confini dell’Asia, e costeggiando verso casa giunsi a Efeso, senza speranza di trovare, pur restio a lasciare inesplorato o quello o alcun luogo che dia ricetto a uomini. Ma qui deve finire la storia della mia vita, e felice sarei nella mia tempestiva morte se tutti i miei viaggi mi assicurassero ch’essi vivono.
DUCA	Sventurato Egeone, che i fati han segnato a portare l’estremo di dira sciagura, credimi ora, non fosse contro le nostre leggi — che i principi, pur volendo, non posson annullare — contro la mia corona, il mio giuramento, la mia dignità, la mia anima perorerebbe come avvocato per te. Ma benché tu sia giudicato alla morte, e sentenza pronunciata non possa esser revocata se non con grande scapito del nostro onore, pure ti favorirò in quanto posso. Perciò, mercante, ti concedo per termine questo giorno per cercare la tua salvezza con giovevole aiuto. Tenta tutti gli amici che hai in Efeso: chiedi in dono o in prestito per compiere la somma, e vivi. Se no, allora sei destinato a morire. Carceriere, prendilo in tua custodia.
CARCERIERE	Lo farò, mio signore.
EGEONE	Senza speranza e senza aiuto Egeone s’avvia, se non a differire la sua esanime fine.
(didascalia)	Escono

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the bay Antipholus of Syracuse, Merchant of Ephesus, and Dromio of Syracuse
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
(didascalia)	Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum, Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate. This very day a Syracusian merchant Is apprehended for arrival here, And, not being able to buy out his life, According to the statute of the town
(didascalia)	Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
(didascalia)	There is your money that I had to keep.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Dromio) Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
(didascalia)	Within this hour it will be dinner-time.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Till that I’ll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, And then return and sleep within mine inn; For with long travel I am stiff and weary. Get thee away.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Many a man would take you at your word, And go indeed, having so good a mean. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, When I am dull with care and melancholy, Lightens my humour with his merry jests. What, will you walk with me about the town, And then go to my inn and dine with me?
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I am invited, sir, to certain merchants Of whom I hope to make much benefit. I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock, Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart, And afterward consort you till bedtime. My present business calls me from you now.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Farewell till then. I will go lose myself, And wander up and down to view the city.
(didascalia)	MERCHANT OF EPHESUS
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Sir, I commend you to your own content. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	He that commends me to mine own content Commends me to the thing I cannot get. I to the world am like drop of water That in the ocean seeks another drop, Who, falling there to find his fellow forth, Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself. So I, to find a mother and a brother, In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Here comes the almanac of my true date. What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Returned so soon? Rather approached too late. The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit. The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell; My mistress made it one upon my cheek. She is so hot because the meat is cold. The meat is cold because you come not home. You come not home because you have no stomach. You have no stomach, having broke your fast; But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray Are penitent for your default today.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray: Where have you left the money that I gave you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O—sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper? The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I am not in a sportive humour now. Tell me, and dally not: where is the money? We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner. I from my mistress come to you in post. If I return I shall be post indeed, For she will scour your fault upon my pate. Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock, And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season. Reserve them till a merrier hour than this. Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	My charge was but to fetch you from the mart Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner. My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Now, as I am a Christian, answer me In what safe place you have bestowed my money, Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks when I am undisposed. Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I have some marks of yours upon my pate, Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both. If I should pay your worship those again, Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Your worship’s wife, my mistress, at the Phoenix: She that doth fast till you come home to dinner, And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face, Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave! He beats Dromio
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands! Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Upon my life, by some device or other The villain is o’er-raught of all my money. They say this town is full of cozenage, As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye, Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind, Soul-killing witches that deform the body, Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks, And many suchlike libertines of sin. If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner. I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave. I greatly fear my money is not safe. Exit

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano dalla baia Antifolo di Siracusa, il Mercante di Efeso e Dromio di Siracusa
(didascalia)	MERCANTE DI EFESO
(didascalia)	Perciò date a intendere d’essere d’Epidamno, ché i vostri beni non siano troppo presto confiscati. Proprio quest’oggi un mercante siracusano è arrestato per essere qui approdato, e, non potendo riscattare la propria vita, secondo lo statuto della città
(didascalia)	muore prima che il sole stanco tramonti a occidente.
(didascalia)	Ecco il vostro denaro che dovevo custodire.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(a Dromio) Va’, portalo al Centauro, dove alloggiamo, e rimani là, Dromio, finché io venga da te.
(didascalia)	Entro quest’ora sarà l’ora del pranzo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Fino allora osserverò i costumi della città, esaminerò i mercanti, contemplerò gli edifici, e poi tornerò a dormire nella mia locanda; ché pel lungo viaggio sono rigido e stanco. Vattene.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Più d’uno vi prenderebbe in parola, e se n’andrebbe davvero, avendo sì buon mezzo. Esce
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Un fidato briccone, signore, che assai spesso, quando sono ottuso per la cura e la malinconia, allevia il mio umore coi suoi allegri motteggi. Ebbene, volete passeggiare con me per la città, e poi venire alla mia locanda e pranzare con me?
(didascalia)	MERCANTE DI EFESO
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Sono invitato, signore, da certi mercanti dai quali spero di trarre molto profitto. Chiedo il vostro perdono. Presto, alle cinque in punto, se vi piace, v’incontrerò al mercato, e poi vi terrò compagnia fino all’ora di coricarsi. L’affare presente ora mi chiama lungi da voi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Addio fino allora. Andrò a perdermi, e vagherò in su e in giù per vedere la città.
(didascalia)	MERCANTE DI EFESO
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Signore, vi raccomando al vostro proprio contento. Esce
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Chi mi raccomanda al mio proprio contento mi raccomanda alla cosa che non posso ottenere. Io sono al mondo come una goccia d’acqua che nell’oceano cerca un’altra goccia, la quale, cadendo là per trovare la sua compagna, invisibile, indagatrice, confonde se stessa. Così io, per trovare una madre e un fratello, in cerca di loro, infelice, perdo me stesso.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Efeso
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ecco viene l’almanacco della mia vera data. Che c’è ora? Come mai sei tornato così presto?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Tornato così presto? Piuttosto giunto troppo tardi. Il cappone brucia, il porco cade dallo spiedo. L’orologio ha battuto dodici colpi sulla campana; la mia padrona ne ha fatto uno sulla mia guancia. Ella è così accesa perché la carne è fredda. La carne è fredda perché voi non venite a casa. Voi non venite a casa perché non avete appetito. Non avete appetito, avendo rotto il digiuno; ma noi che sappiamo che cosa sia digiunare e pregare facciamo penitenza per la vostra mancanza d’oggi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Trattenete il fiato, signore. Ditemi questo, vi prego: dove avete lasciato il denaro che vi diedi?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Oh — i sei penny che ebbi mercoledì scorso per pagare al sellaio la groppiera della mia padrona? Li ebbe il sellaio, signore; io non li tenni.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non sono ora in umore scherzoso. Dimmi, e non gingillarti: dov’è il denaro? Essendo noi qui stranieri, come osi affidare sì gran deposito fuori dalla tua custodia?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Vi prego, scherzate, signore, quando sedete a pranzo. Vengo a voi in tutta fretta dalla mia padrona. Se torno, sarò io il palo davvero, ché ella sfregherà la vostra colpa sulla mia zucca. Mi pare che il vostro stomaco, come il mio, dovrebbe essere il vostro orologio, e battervi la via di casa senza messaggero.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Su, Dromio, su, questi motti sono fuori stagione. Serbali per un’ora più lieta di questa. Dov’è l’oro che ti diedi in consegna?
DROMIO DI EFESO	A me, signore? Ma voi non deste alcun oro a me.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Suvvia, ser furfante, finitela con le vostre sciocchezze, e dimmi come hai disposto del tuo deposito.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Il mio incarico era solo di condurvi dal mercato a casa, alla vostra dimora, la Fenice, signore, per il pranzo. La mia padrona e sua sorella vi aspettano.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ora, com’io sono cristiano, rispondimi in qual luogo sicuro hai riposto il mio denaro, o ti romperò codesta tua allegra zucca che insiste in burle quando io sono mal disposto. Dove sono i mille marchi che avesti da me?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ho alcuni vostri marchi sulla mia zucca, alcuni marchi della mia padrona sulle spalle, ma non mille marchi fra voi due. Se dovessi rendere a vossignoria quelli, forse non li sopportereste con pazienza.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	I marchi della tua padrona? Che padrona, schiavo, hai tu?
DROMIO DI EFESO	La moglie di vossignoria, la mia padrona, alla Fenice: colei che digiuna finché non veniate a casa per il pranzo, e prega che v’affrettiate a casa per il pranzo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Come, vuoi tu beffarmi così in faccia, essendoti proibito? Ecco, prendi questo, ser furfante! Batte Dromio
DROMIO DI EFESO	Che intendete, signore? Per amor di Dio, trattenete le mani! Suvvia, se non volete, signore, mi darò alle gambe. Esce
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Sulla mia vita, con l’uno o l’altro raggiro il briccone è stato truffato di tutto il mio denaro. Dicono che questa città sia piena d’inganni, con agili giocolieri che ingannano l’occhio, tenebrosi stregoni che alterano la mente, streghe che uccidono l’anima e deformano il corpo, bari travestiti, ciarlatani cianciatori, e molti simili libertini del peccato. Se così risulta, tanto prima me n’andrò. Andrò al Centauro a cercare questo schiavo. Assai temo che il mio denaro non sia al sicuro. Esce

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana, wife of Antipholus of Ephesus, with Luciana, her sister
ADRIANA	Neither my husband nor the slave returned That in such haste I sent to seek his master? Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.
LUCIANA	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner. Good sister, let us dine, and never fret. A man is master of his liberty. Time is their mistress, and when they see time They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.
ADRIANA	Why should their liberty than ours be more?
LUCIANA	Because their business still lies out o’ door.
ADRIANA	Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill.
LUCIANA	O, know he is the bridle of your will.
ADRIANA	There’s none but asses will be bridled so.
LUCIANA	Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe. There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky. The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls Are their males’ subjects and at their controls. Man, more divine, the master of all these, Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas, Indued with intellectual sense and souls, Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords. Then let your will attend on their accords.
ADRIANA	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.
LUCIANA	Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.
ADRIANA	But were you wedded, you would bear some sway.
LUCIANA	Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.
ADRIANA	How if your husband start some otherwhere?
LUCIANA	Till he come home again, I would forbear.
ADRIANA	Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause: They can be meek that have no other cause. A wretched soul, bruised with adversity, We bid be quiet when we hear it cry. But were we burdened with like weight of pain, As much or more we should ourselves complain. So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee, With urging helpless patience would relieve me. But if thou live to see like right bereft, This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.
LUCIANA	Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus
LUCIANA	Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.
ADRIANA	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.
ADRIANA	Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his mind?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I? Ay, he told his mind upon mine ear. Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.
LUCIANA	Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?
DROMIO OF RPHESUS	Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce under-stand them.
ADRIANA	But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he hath great care to please his wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.
ADRIANA	Horn-mad, thou villain?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I mean not cuckold-mad, but sure he is stark mad. When I desired him to come home to dinner, He asked me for a thousand marks in gold. ‘’Tis dinner-time,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he. ‘Your meat doth burn,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he. ‘Will you come home?’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he; ‘Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?’ ‘The pig’, quoth I, ‘is burned.’ ‘My gold!’ quoth he. ‘My mistress, sir—’ quoth I. ‘Hang up thy mistress! I know thy mistress not. Out on thy mistress!’
LUCIANA	Quoth who?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Quoth my master. ‘I know’, quoth he, ‘no house, no wife, no mistress.’ So that my errand, due unto my tongue, I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders; For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.
ADRIANA	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Go back again and be new beaten home? For God’s sake, send some other messenger.
ADRIANA	A Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	An he will bless that cross with other beating, Between you I shall have a holy head.
ADRIANA	Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. She beats Dromio
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Am I so round with you as you with me, That like a football you do spurn me thus? You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither. If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.
(didascalia)	Exit
LUCIANA	(to Adriana) Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!
ADRIANA	His company must do his minions grace, Whilst I at home starve for a merry look. Hath homely age th’alluring beauty took From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it. Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit? If voluble and sharp discourse be marred, Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard. Do their gay vestments his affections bait? That’s not my fault: he’s master of my state. What ruins are in me that can be found By him not ruined? Then is he the ground Of my defeatures. My decayed fair A sunny look of his would soon repair. But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale, And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.
LUCIANA	Self-harming jealousy! Fie, beat it hence.
ADRIANA	Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense. I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, Or else what lets it but he would be here? Sister, you know he promised me a chain. Would that alone o’ love he would detain, So he would keep fair quarter with his bed. I see the jewel best enamelled Will lose her beauty. Yet the gold bides still That others touch; and often touching will Wear gold, and yet no man that hath a name By falsehood and corruption doth it shame. Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.
LUCIANA	How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano dalla Fenice Adriana, moglie di Antifolo di Efeso, con Luciana, sua sorella
ADRIANA	Né mio marito né lo schiavo tornati, quello che in tanta fretta mandai a cercare il suo padrone? Certo, Luciana, sono le due in punto.
LUCIANA	Forse qualche mercante l’ha invitato, e dal mercato se n’è andato altrove a pranzo. Buona sorella, pranziamo, e non ci crucciamo. L’uomo è padrone della sua libertà. Il Tempo è la loro padrona, e quando vedono il tempo andranno o verranno. Se è così, sii paziente, sorella.
ADRIANA	Perché la loro libertà dovrebb’essere maggiore della nostra?
LUCIANA	Perché i loro affari stanno sempre fuor di casa.
ADRIANA	Vedi: quando io faccio così con lui, se n’ha a male.
LUCIANA	Oh, sappi ch’egli è il freno del tuo volere.
ADRIANA	Nessuno se non gli asini si lascia così imbrigliare.
LUCIANA	Ebbene, la libertà caparbia è flagellata dal dolore. Nulla è posto sotto l’occhio del cielo che non abbia il suo confine in terra, in mare, nel cielo. Le bestie, i pesci e i volatili alati sono soggetti ai loro maschi e sotto il loro dominio. L’uomo, più divino, padrone di tutti questi, signore dell’ampio mondo e dei selvaggi mari acquosi, dotato di senso intellettuale e d’anima, di più alta preminenza che pesci e volatili, è padrone alle sue femmine, e loro signore. Lascia dunque che il tuo volere s’attenga ai loro accordi.
ADRIANA	Questa servitù ti fa restare non maritata.
LUCIANA	Non questa, ma i travagli del letto nuziale.
ADRIANA	Ma se fossi maritata, vorresti avere qualche potere.
LUCIANA	Prima d’apprendere l’amore, m’eserciterò a obbedire.
ADRIANA	E se tuo marito si sviasse altrove?
LUCIANA	Finché non tornasse a casa, pazienterei.
ADRIANA	Pazienza immota! Non è meraviglia s’ella s’arresta: può esser mite chi non ha altra ragione. Un’anima misera, ammaccata dall’avversità, l’invitiamo a tacere quando l’udiamo gridare. Ma se fossimo gravate d’ugual peso di pena, altrettanto o più ci lamenteremmo noi stesse. Così tu, che non hai crudele compagno a farti dolere, con l’insistere in vana pazienza vorresti sollevarmi. Ma se vivrai a veder tolto ugual diritto, questa pazienza da sciocco mendicata in te sarà abbandonata.
LUCIANA	Ebbene, mi mariterò un giorno, non foss’altro che per provare.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Efeso
LUCIANA	Ecco viene il vostro uomo. Ora vostro marito è vicino.
ADRIANA	Di’, il tuo tardo padrone è ora a portata di mano?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Anzi, egli è alle due mani con me, e questo le mie due orecchie possono testimoniarlo.
ADRIANA	Di’, hai parlato con lui? Conosci il suo pensiero?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Io? Sì, egli mi disse il suo pensiero sull’orecchio. Maledetta la sua mano, a stento potei intenderlo.
LUCIANA	Parlò egli così dubbiosamente che non potesti sentire il suo senso?
DROMIO DI RFESO	Anzi, colpì così chiaramente che potei fin troppo bene sentire i suoi colpi, e insieme così dubbiosamente ch’io a stento potei sotto-starli.
ADRIANA	Ma di’, ti prego, viene egli a casa? Pare ch’egli abbia gran cura di piacere a sua moglie.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ma via, padrona, certo il mio padrone è pazzo da corna.
ADRIANA	Pazzo da corna, briccone?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Non intendo pazzo da becco, ma certo è pazzo del tutto. Quando lo pregai di venire a casa per il pranzo, mi chiese mille marchi in oro. ‘È l’ora del pranzo’, dissi io. ‘Il mio oro’, disse lui. ‘La vostra carne brucia’, dissi io. ‘Il mio oro’, disse lui. ‘Verrete a casa?’ dissi io. ‘Il mio oro’, disse lui; ‘Dove sono i mille marchi che ti diedi, briccone?’ ‘Il porco’, dissi io, ‘è bruciato.’ ‘Il mio oro!’ disse lui. ‘La mia padrona, signore—’ dissi io. ‘Impiccala, la tua padrona! Non la conosco, la tua padrona. Al diavolo la tua padrona!’
LUCIANA	Disse chi?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Disse il mio padrone. ‘Non conosco’, disse, ‘né casa, né moglie, né padrona.’ Sì che l’ambasciata mia, dovuta alla mia lingua, lo ringrazio, la portai a casa sulle spalle; ché, in conclusione, egli mi batté proprio là.
ADRIANA	Torna indietro, schiavo, e conducilo a casa.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Tornare indietro ed esser nuovamente battuto fino a casa? Per amor di Dio, mandate qualche altro messaggero.
ADRIANA	A Indietro, schiavo, o ti spaccherò la zucca per traverso.
DROMIO DI EFESO	E s’egli benedirà quella croce con altre percosse, fra voi due avrò un capo santificato.
ADRIANA	Via, villano cianciatore. Conduci a casa il tuo padrone. Batte Dromio
DROMIO DI EFESO	Sono io così tondo con voi come voi con me, che al pari d’un pallone così mi spingete a calci? Voi mi cacciate a calci di qua, ed egli mi caccerà a calci di là. Se debbo durare in questo servizio, dovrete foderarmi di cuoio.
(didascalia)	Esce
LUCIANA	(ad Adriana) Ohibò, come l’impazienza s’oscura sul vostro volto!
ADRIANA	La sua compagnia deve far grazia alle sue druderie, mentr’io a casa muoio di fame d’uno sguardo lieto. La rozza età ha tolto l’allettante bellezza dalla mia povera guancia? Allora è lui che l’ha consumata. Sono ottusi i miei discorsi? Sterile il mio ingegno? Se un discorso sciolto e arguto è guastato, la scortesia lo smussa più che duro marmo. Sono le loro gaie vesti l’esca dei suoi affetti? Non è colpa mia: egli è padrone dei miei averi. Quali rovine sono in me che possano trovarsi da lui non rovinate? Egli dunque è il fondamento dei miei sfiguramenti. La mia bellezza sfiorita uno sguardo suo di sole presto ristorerebbe. Ma, cervo troppo indocile, egli rompe il recinto e pascola lontano da casa. Povera me, non sono che il suo zimbello.
LUCIANA	Gelosia che offende se stessa! Ohibò, scacciala via.
ADRIANA	Sciocchi insensibili possono far senza di tali torti. So che il suo occhio rende omaggio altrove, o che altro l’impedisce, s’egli non è qui? Sorella, sapete ch’egli mi promise una catena. Volesse il cielo che quella soltanto d’amore trattenesse, purché serbasse fede al suo letto. Vedo che il gioiello meglio smaltato perderà la sua bellezza. Pure l’oro resta benché altri lo tocchino; e il toccare spesso consuma l’oro, e pure nessun uomo che abbia un nome per falsità e corruzione ne trae vergogna. Poiché la mia bellezza non può piacere al suo occhio, piangerò via ciò che resta, e piangendo morrò.
LUCIANA	Quanti sciocchi innamorati servono la folle gelosia!
(didascalia)	Escono nella Fenice

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave Is wandered forth in care to seek me out. By computation and mine host’s report, I could not speak with Dromio since at first I sent him from the mart! See, here he comes.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How now, sir, is your merry humour altered? As you love strokes, so jest with me again. You know no Centaur? You received no gold? Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix?—Wast thou mad, That thus so madly thou didst answer me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Even now, even here, not half an hour since.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I did not see you since you sent me hence Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt, And told‘st me of a mistress and a dinner, For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am glad to see you in this merry vein. What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth? Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that. He beats Dromio
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Hold, sir, for God’s sake—now your jest is earnest! Upon what bargain do you give it me?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Because that I familiarly sometimes Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love, And make a common of my serious hours. When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, But creep in crannies when he hides his beams. If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanour to my looks, Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	‘Sconce’ call you it? So you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head. An you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Dost thou not know?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Shall I tell you why?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath a wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	‘Why’ first: for flouting me; and then ‘wherefore’: For urging it the second time to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme nor reason?— Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. 51
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I’ll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, I think the meat wants that I have. 56
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	In good time, sir. What’s that?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Basting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, then ’twill be dry.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Your reason? 61
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another dry basting.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There’s a time for all things. 65
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I durst have denied that before you were so choleric.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	By what rule, sir?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Let’s hear it.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There’s no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	May he not do it by fine and recovery?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit. 82
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers, without wit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The plainer dealer, the sooner lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	For what reason?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	For two, and sound ones too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sound, I pray you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sure ones, then.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Certain ones, then. 96
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Name them.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en no time to recover hair lost by nature.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world’s end will have bald followers.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I knew ’twould be a bald conclusion.
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana and Luciana
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	But soft—who wafts us yonder?
ADRIANA	Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown: Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects. I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow That never words were music to thine ear, That never object pleasing in thine eye, That never touch well welcome to thy hand, That never meat sweet-savoured in thy taste, Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee. How comes it now, my husband, O how comes it That thou art then estranged from thysetf?— Thy ‘self’ I call it, being strange to me That, undividable, incorporate, Am better than thy dear self’s better part. Ah, do not tear away thyself from me; For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall A drop of water in the breaking gulf, And take unmingled thence that drop again Without addition or diminishing, As take from me thyself, and not me too. How dearly would it touch thee to the quick Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious, And that this body, consecrate to thee, By ruffian lust should be contaminate? Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me, And hurl the name of husband in my face, And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow, And from my false hand cut the wedding ring, And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it! I am possessed with an adulterate blot; My blood is mingled with the crime of lust. For if we two be one, and thou play false, I do digest the poison of thy flesh, Being strumpeted by thy contagion. Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed, I live unstained, thou undishonourèd.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not. In Ephesus I am but two hours old, As strange unto your town as to your talk, Who, every word by all my wit being scanned, Wants wit in all one word to understand.
LUCIANA	Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you! When were you wont to use my sister thus? She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	By Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By me?
ADRIANA	By thee; and this thou didst return from him— That he did buffet thee, and in his blows Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman? What is the course and drift of your compact?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir? I never saw her till this time.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou liest; for even her very words Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I never spake with her in all my life.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How can she thus then call us by our names ?— Unless it be by inspiration.
ADRIANA	A How ill agrees it with your gravity To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood ! Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. Thou art an elm, my husband; I a vine, Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state, Makes me with thy strength to communicate. If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(aside) To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme. What, was I married to her in my dream? Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this? What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty, I’ll entertain the offered fallacy.
LUCIANA	Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(aside) O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. This is the fairy land. O spite of spites, We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites. If we obey them not, this will ensue: They’ll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue.
LUCIANA	Why prat‘st thou to thyself, and answer’st not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(to Antipholus) I am transformed, master, am not I?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think thou art in mind, and so am I.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thou hast thine own form.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, I am an ape.
LUCIANA	If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.
(didascalia)	DROMIO OF SYRACUSE to Antipholus
LUCIANA	’Tis true she rides me, and I long for grass. ’Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be But I should know her as well as she knows me.
ADRIANA	Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn. (To Antipholus) Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.— Husband, I’ll dine above with you today, And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.— Sirrah, if any ask you for your master, Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.— Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(aside) Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised? Known unto these, and to myself disguised! I’ll say as they say, and persever so, And in this mist at all adventures go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?
ADRIANA	Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.
LUCIANA	Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entra Antifolo di Siracusa
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	L’oro che diedi a Dromio è riposto sicuro al Centauro, e l’attento schiavo è uscito a vagare in cura di cercarmi. Per calcolo e per il resoconto del mio oste, non potei parlare con Dromio dal primo momento in cui lo mandai via dal mercato! Ecco, eccolo che viene.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Siracusa
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ebbene, signore, è mutato il vostro allegro umore? Poiché ami le percosse, torna pure a scherzare con me. Non conosci alcun Centauro? Non ricevesti oro? La tua padrona mandò a chiamarmi a casa per il pranzo? La mia dimora era alla Fenice?—Eri tu pazzo, che così pazzamente mi rispondesti?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Quale risposta, signore? Quando dissi io tal parola?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Or ora, proprio qui, non è mezz’ora.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non vi ho veduto da quando mi mandaste via a casa, al Centauro, con l’oro che mi deste.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Briccone, negasti d’aver ricevuto l’oro, e mi parlasti d’una padrona e d’un pranzo, per cui spero tu abbia sentito ch’io ero scontento.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sono lieto di vedervi in questa vena allegra. Che significa questo scherzo? Vi prego, padrone, ditemelo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ah, mi schernisci e mi beffi in faccia? Credi ch’io scherzi? Tieni, prendi questo, e questo. Batte Dromio
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Fermatevi, signore, per amor di Dio—ora il vostro scherzo è sul serio! Per qual patto me lo date?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Poiché talvolta familiarmente ti uso come mio buffone, e chiacchiero con te, la tua sfacciataggine vuol scherzare sul mio affetto, e far terra comune delle mie ore serie. Quando il sole splende, lascia che le sciocche zanzare si sollazzino, ma s’insinuino nelle fessure quand’egli nasconde i suoi raggi. Se vuoi scherzare con me, conosci il mio aspetto, e conforma il tuo contegno ai miei sguardi, o ti batterò questo metodo nella zucca.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	‘Zucca’ la chiamate? Purché smetteste di batterla, preferirei che fosse una testa. Se usate a lungo queste percosse, dovrò procurarmi una zucca di ferro per il capo, e trincerarvelo dentro, o altrimenti dovrò cercare il mio ingegno nelle spalle. Ma vi prego, signore, perché sono battuto?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non lo sai?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Nulla, signore, se non che sono battuto. ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA Devo dirti perché?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sì, signore, e per qual motivo; ché dicono che ogni perché ha il suo per qual motivo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	‘Perché’ primo: per avermi beffato; e poi ‘per qual motivo’: per avermelo ribadito una seconda volta.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Vi fu mai uomo così battuto fuor di stagione, quando nel perché e nel per qual motivo non v’è né rima né ragione?— Bene, signore, vi ringrazio.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ringraziarmi, signore, di che?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, signore, per questo qualcosa che mi deste per nulla. 51
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	La prossima volta vi farò ammenda, dandovi nulla per qualcosa. Ma dimmi, signore, è l’ora del pranzo?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No, signore, credo che alla carne manchi ciò che ho io. 56
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	A buon tempo, signore. E che cosa?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Bastonatura.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Bene, signore, allora sarà secca.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Se lo è, signore, vi prego di non mangiarne.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	La vostra ragione? 61
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perché non vi faccia collerico e non mi procuri un’altra bastonatura a secco.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Bene, signore, imparate a scherzare a tempo debito. C’è un tempo per ogni cosa. 65
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Avrei osato negarlo prima che foste così collerico.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	In base a qual regola, signore?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, signore, in base a una regola liscia come la liscia zucca calva di Padre Tempo in persona.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Sentiamola.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non c’è tempo perché un uomo ricuperi i capelli, se incalvisce per natura.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non può farlo per via di multa e ricupero?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sì, pagando una multa per una parrucca, e ricuperando i capelli perduti d’un altro uomo.
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA Perché il Tempo è così avaro di capelli, essendo essi, come sono, un’escrescenza così abbondante?
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA Perché è una benedizione ch’egli concede alle bestie, e ciò che ha lesinato agli uomini in capelli l’ha loro dato in ingegno. 82
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ma via, c’è più d’un uomo che ha più capelli che ingegno.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non v’è uno di quelli che non abbia l’ingegno di perdere i capelli.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ma tu concludesti che gli uomini pelosi sono gente schietta, senza ingegno.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Più schietta la gente, prima li perde. Pure li perde in una specie d’allegria.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Per qual ragione?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Per due, e sane per giunta.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	No, non sane, vi prego.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sicure, allora.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	No, non sicure, in cosa che inganna.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Certe, allora. 96
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Nominatele.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	L’una, per risparmiare il denaro ch’egli spende in acconciature; l’altra, perché a pranzo non gli cadano nella minestra.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Avreste per tutto questo tempo voluto provare che non c’è tempo per ogni cosa.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, e l’ho fatto, signore: cioè, proprio nessun tempo per ricuperare i capelli perduti per natura.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ma la vostra ragione non era sostanziale, sul perché non ci sia tempo per ricuperarli.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Così l’emendo: il Tempo stesso è calvo, e perciò fino alla fine del mondo avrà seguaci calvi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Sapevo che sarebbe stata una calva conclusione.
(didascalia)	Entrano dalla Fenice Adriana e Luciana
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ma piano—chi ci fa cenno laggiù?
ADRIANA	Sì, sì, Antifolo, guarda straniero e aggrotta il ciglio: qualche altra padrona ha i tuoi dolci sguardi. Io non sono Adriana, né tua moglie. Il tempo fu una volta che senza esser richiesto giuravi che mai parole erano musica al tuo orecchio, che mai oggetto era grato al tuo occhio, che mai tocco era ben accetto alla tua mano, che mai vivanda aveva dolce sapore al tuo gusto, se non quando io parlavo, o guardavo, o toccavo, o trinciavo per te. Come avviene ora, marito mio, oh come avviene che tu sia dunque estraniato da te stesso?— Il tuo ‘te stesso’ lo chiamo, essendo straniero a me che, indivisibile, incorporata, sono meglio della parte migliore del tuo caro essere. Ah, non strappare te stesso via da me; ché sappi, amore mio, tanto facilmente potresti far cadere una goccia d’acqua nel golfo che si frange, e riprendere di là non mescolata quella goccia senza aggiunta né diminuzione, quanto togliere a me te stesso, e non anche me. Quanto amaramente ti toccherebbe nel vivo se solo udissi ch’io fossi licenziosa, e che questo corpo, a te consacrato, da ruffiana libidine fosse contaminato? Non mi sputeresti addosso, e non mi respingeresti, e non mi scaglieresti in faccia il nome di marito, e non strapperesti la pelle macchiata dalla mia fronte di sgualdrina, e dalla mia falsa mano non taglieresti l’anello nuziale, e non lo spezzeresti con voto di profondo divorzio? So che lo puoi, e perciò bada di farlo! Sono posseduta da una macchia adultera; il mio sangue è mischiato col delitto della libidine. Ché se noi due siamo uno, e tu giochi falso, io digerisco il veleno della tua carne, fatta meretrice dal tuo contagio. Serba dunque leale patto e tregua col tuo vero letto, ed io vivo immacolata, tu senza disonore.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Supplicate me, bella dama? Io non vi conosco. In Efeso non ho che due ore di vita, estraneo alla vostra città quanto al vostro discorso, ché, pur scandendo ogni parola con tutto il mio ingegno, mi manca l’ingegno d’intenderne pur una.
LUCIANA	Ohibò, fratello, come il mondo è mutato con voi! Quando mai solevate trattare così mia sorella? Ella vi mandò a chiamare per mezzo di Dromio a casa per il pranzo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Per mezzo di Dromio?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Per mezzo mio?
ADRIANA	Per mezzo tuo; e questo riferisti da lui— ch’egli ti percosse, e coi suoi colpi negò la mia casa per sua, e me per sua moglie.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Conversaste voi, signore, con questa gentildonna? Qual è il corso e il fine del vostro accordo?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Io, signore? Non la vidi mai fino a questo momento.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Briccone, tu menti; ché proprio le sue stesse parole mi recasti al mercato.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non parlai mai con lei in tutta la mia vita.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Come può ella dunque così chiamarci coi nostri nomi ?— se non per ispirazione.
ADRIANA	A Quanto male s’accorda con la vostra gravità fingere così grossolanamente col vostro schiavo, istigandolo a contrariarmi nel mio umore ! Sia pure mio il torto che voi siate esente da me, ma non aggravate quel torto con maggior disprezzo. Venite, m’aggrapperò a questa vostra manica. Tu sei un olmo, marito mio; io una vite, la cui debolezza, maritata al tuo più forte stato, mi fa partecipe della tua forza. Se qualcosa ti possiede lungi da me, è scoria, edera usurpatrice, rovo, o inerte musco, che, tutto per mancanza di potatura, con l’intrusione infetta la tua linfa, e vive della tua rovina.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(a parte) A me ella parla, me prende a suo tema. Come, le fui sposato in sogno? O dormo ora, e credo d’udire tutto questo? Qual errore trae in fallo i nostri occhi e i nostri orecchi? Finché non conosca questa sicura incertezza, accoglierò l’inganno che m’è offerto.
LUCIANA	Dromio, va’ a dire ai servi d’apparecchiare per il pranzo.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(a parte) Oh, il mio rosario! Mi faccio la croce come peccatore. Questo è il paese delle fate. Oh dispetto dei dispetti, parliamo con folletti, gnomi e spiriti. Se non obbediamo loro, questo ne seguirà: ci succhieranno il fiato o ci pizzicheranno a sangue.
LUCIANA	Perché ciarli fra te, e non rispondi? Dromio, fuco, lumaca, lumacone, beone.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(ad Antifolo) Sono trasformato, padrone, non è vero?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Credo che tu lo sia nella mente, e così io.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Anzi, padrone, e nella mente e nella figura.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Tu hai la tua propria forma.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No, io sono una scimmia.
LUCIANA	Se sei mutato in qualcosa, è in un asino.
(didascalia)	DROMIO DI SIRACUSA ad Antifolo
LUCIANA	È vero, ella mi cavalca, e io agogno l’erba. È così, sono un asino; altrimenti non potrebbe mai essere ch’io non la conoscessi così bene com’ella conosce me.
ADRIANA	Su, su, non sarò più una sciocca, da mettermi il dito nell’occhio e piangere mentre servo e padrone deridono i miei mali. (Ad Antifolo) Venite, signore, a pranzo.—Dromio, guarda la porta.— Marito, pranzerò oggi di sopra con voi, e vi confesserò di mille oziose burle.— Tu là, se alcuno vi chiede del tuo padrone, di’ che pranza fuori, e non lasciare entrare creatura alcuna.— Vieni, sorella.—Dromio, fa’ bene il portiere.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(a parte) Sono in terra, in cielo, o all’inferno? Dormiente o desto? Pazzo o bene avveduto? Noto a costoro, e a me stesso travisato! Dirò com’essi dicono, e persevererò così, e in questa nebbia andrò a ogni ventura.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Padrone, devo far da portiere alla porta ?
ADRIANA	Sì, e non lasciar entrare nessuno, o ti spaccherò la zucca.
LUCIANA	Su, su, Antifolo, pranziamo troppo tardi.
(didascalia)	Escono nella Fenice

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Good Signor Angelo, you must excuse us all. My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours. Say that I lingered with you at your shop To see the making of her carcanet, And that tomorrow you will bring it home.— But here’s a villain that would face me down He met me on the mart, and that I beat him, And charged him with a thousand marks in gold, And that I did deny my wife and house. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know—II That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to show. If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink, Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Marry, so it doth appear By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear. I should kick being kicked, and, being at that pass, You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You’re sad, Signor Balthasar. Pray God our cheer May answer my good will, and your good welcome here.
BALTHASAR	I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	O, Signor Balthasar, either at flesh or fish A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHASAR	Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
BALTHASAR	Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But soft, my door is locked. (To Dromio) Go bid them let us in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(calling) Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse within the Phoenix
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch! Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within) Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Who talks within there ? Ho, open the door!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, an you’ll tell me wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Wherefore? For my dinner—I have not dined today.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name. The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy pate for an aim, or thy name for an ass.
(didascalia)	Enter Nell within the Phoenix
NELL	(within the Phoenix) What a coil is there, Dromio? Who are those at the gate?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Let my master in, Nell.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Faith no, he comes too late; And so tell your master.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O Lord, I must laugh. Have at you with a proverb: ‘Shall I set in my staff?’
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Have at you with another—that’s ‘When ? Can you tell?’
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix)
(didascalia)	If thy name be called Nell, Nell, thou hast answered him well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Nell) Do you hear, you minion ? You’ll let us in, I hope ?
NELL	(within the Phoenix) I thought to have asked you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within) And you said no.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	So, come help.
(didascalia)	He and Antipholus beat the door
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Well struck! There was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Nell) Thou baggage, let me in.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, knock the door hard.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
NELL	(within the Phoenix) What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
(didascalia)	Enter Adriana within the Phoenix
ADRIANA	(within the Phoenix) Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Are you there, wife ? You might have come before.
ADRIANA	(within the Phoenix) Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door.
(didascalia)	Exit with Nell
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Antipholus) If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either.
BALTHASAR	In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Antipholus) They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome hither.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	You would say so, master, if your garments were thin. Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold. It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Go fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind; Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(within the Phoenix) It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here’s too much ‘Out upon thee!’ I pray thee, let me in.
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE (within the Phoenix) Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Well, I’ll break in.—Go borrow me a crow.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A crow without feather? Master, mean you so? For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather. (To Dromio of Syracuse) If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR	Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so! Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect Th’unviolated honour of your wife. Once this: your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years, and modesty, Plead on her part some cause to you unknown; And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me. Depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it, And that supposed by the common rout Against your yet ungallèd estimation, That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead. For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where once it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet, And in despite of mirth mean to be merry. I know a wench of excellent discourse, Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle. There will we dine. This woman that I mean, My wife—but, I protest, without desert— Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal. To her will we to dinner. (To Angelo) Get you home And fetch the chain. By this, I know, ’tis made. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porcupine, For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow— Be it for nothing but to spite my wife— Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste: Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO	I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Do so.
(didascalia)	Exit Angelo
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	This jest shall cost me some expense.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Dromio of Syracuse within the
(didascalia)	Phoenix, and the others into the Porcupine

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano Antifolo di Efeso, il suo servo Dromio, Angelo l’orefice, e Baldassarre il mercante
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Buon signor Angelo, dovete scusarci tutti. Mia moglie è bisbetica quando non rispetto le ore. Dite che indugiai con voi alla vostra bottega per veder fare la sua collana, e che domani la porterete a casa.— Ma ecco un briccone che vorrebbe sostenermi in faccia che m’incontrò al mercato, e che io lo battei, e che gli affidai mille marchi in oro, e che io rinnegai mia moglie e la mia casa. Tu, ubriacone, che intendevi con questo?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Dite ciò che volete, signore, ma io so quel che so—II che mi batteste al mercato ho la vostra mano da mostrare. Se la pelle fosse pergamena, e i colpi che deste fossero inchiostro, la vostra propria scrittura vi direbbe ciò che penso.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Penso che tu sia un asino.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Perbacco, così appare dai torti che soffro e dai colpi che porto. Dovrei tirar calci essendo preso a calci, e, giunti a quel punto, vi terreste lontano dai miei talloni, e guardereste da un asino.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Siete mesto, signor Baldassarre. Voglia Dio che la nostra mensa corrisponda alla mia buona volontà, e al vostro buon benvenuto qui.
BALDASSARRE	Tengo a poco le vostre leccornie, signore, e caro il vostro benvenuto.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Oh, signor Baldassarre, sia in carne sia in pesce una tavola piena di benvenuto fa a stento un piatto squisito.
BALDASSARRE	Buona carne, signore, è cosa comune; ogni villano la offre.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	E il benvenuto più comune ancora, ché non è altro che parole.
BALDASSARRE	Poca mensa e gran benvenuto fanno un lieto banchetto.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Sì, per un ospite spilorcio e un convitato ancor più parco. Ma benché le mie vivande siano meschine, prendetele in buona parte. Miglior mensa potrete avere, ma non con miglior cuore. Ma piano, la mia porta è chiusa. (A Dromio) Va’ a dir loro di farci entrare.
DROMIO DI EFESO	(chiamando) Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Siracusa dentro la Fenice
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Babbeo, cavallo da birreria, cappone, zerbinotto, idiota, buffone! O togliti dalla porta o siediti allo sportello. Fai scongiuri per aver ragazze, che ne chiami tanta provvista quando una è già una di troppo? Va’, togliti dalla porta.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Che buffone hanno fatto nostro portiere? Il mio padrone aspetta nella strada.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro) Che se ne torni donde venne, ché non prenda freddo ai piedi.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Chi parla là dentro ? Olà, aprite la porta!
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Giusto, signore, vi dirò quando, se voi mi direte perché.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Perché? Per il mio pranzo—non ho pranzato oggi.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Né oggi qui dovete. Tornate quando potrete.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Chi sei tu che mi tieni fuori dalla casa che possiedo?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Il portiere per questa volta, signore, e il mio nome è Dromio.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Oh briccone, m’hai rubato e l’ufficio e il nome. L’uno non mi diede mai credito, l’altro molto biasimo. Se tu fossi stato Dromio oggi al mio posto, avresti cambiato la tua zucca per un bersaglio, o il tuo nome per un asino.
(didascalia)	Entra Nell dentro la Fenice
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Che baccano è questo, Dromio? Chi sono quelli alla porta?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Fa’ entrare il mio padrone, Nell.
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) In fede mia no, viene troppo tardi; e così di’ al tuo padrone.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Oh Signore, mi vien da ridere. Eccoti un proverbio: ‘Debbo piantare qui il mio bastone?’
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Eccotene un altro—cioè: ‘Quando ? Sai dirlo?’
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice)
(didascalia)	Se il tuo nome si chiama Nell, Nell, tu gli hai risposto bene.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(a Nell) Mi senti, sgualdrinella ? Ci farai entrare, spero ?
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Pensavo di chiederlo a voi.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro) E voi diceste di no.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Su, vieni ad aiutare.
(didascalia)	Egli e Antifolo battono la porta
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ben colpito! Ecco colpo per colpo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(a Nell) Sfacciata, fammi entrare.
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Sapete dire per amor di chi?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Padrone, battete forte la porta.
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Che batta finché gli dolga.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Piangerai per questo, sgualdrinella, se abbatto la porta.
NELL	(dentro la Fenice) Che bisogno c’è di tutto ciò, con un paio di ceppi in città?
(didascalia)	Entra Adriana dentro la Fenice
ADRIANA	(dentro la Fenice) Chi è là alla porta che fa tutto questo chiasso?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) In fede mia, la vostra città è tormentata da ragazzacci indocili.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(ad Adriana) Siete lì, moglie ? Avreste potuto venire prima.
ADRIANA	(dentro la Fenice) Vostra moglie, ser furfante? Andate, via dalla porta.
(didascalia)	Esce con Nell
DROMIO DI EFESO	(ad Antifolo) Se voi andaste in pena, padrone, questo furfante andrebbe dolente.
ANGELO	(ad Antifolo) Qui non c’è né mensa, signore, né benvenuto; volentieri avremmo l’uno o l’altro.
BALDASSARRE	A disputare quale fosse il migliore, ce n’andremo senza né l’uno né l’altro.
DROMIO DI EFESO	(ad Antifolo) Stanno alla porta, padrone. Date loro il benvenuto qui.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	C’è qualcosa nel vento, ché non possiamo entrare.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Lo direste, padrone, se le vostre vesti fossero sottili. La vostra focaccia qui è calda dentro: voi state qui al freddo. Farebbe impazzire un uomo come un capriolo l’esser così comprato e venduto.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Va’ a prendermi qualcosa. Sfonderò la porta.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Rompi qui qualcosa, e io ti romperò la tua zucca di furfante.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Si può rompere una parola con voi, signore, e le parole non sono che vento; sì, e romperla in faccia a voi, purché non la rompa di dietro.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(dentro la Fenice) Pare che tu abbia bisogno d’esser rotto. Vergogna a te, bifolco!
DROMIO DI EFESO	C’è troppo ‘Vergogna a te!’ Ti prego, fammi entrare.
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA (dentro la Fenice) Sì, quando i volatili non avranno penne, e i pesci non avranno pinne.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Bene, sfonderò.—Va’ a prendermi in prestito un corvo.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Un corvo senza penne? Padrone, intendete così? Per un pesce senza pinna, ecco un volatile senza penna. (A Dromio di Siracusa) Se un corvo ci aiuta a entrare, messere, spenneremo un corvo insieme.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Va’, vattene. Portami un corvo di ferro.
BALDASSARRE	Abbiate pazienza, signore. Oh, che non sia così! In ciò guerreggiate contro la vostra reputazione, e traete nel cerchio del sospetto l’inviolato onore di vostra moglie. Solo questo: la vostra lunga esperienza della sua saggezza, la sua sobria virtù, gli anni e la modestia, perorano in suo favore qualche ragione a voi ignota; e non dubitate, signore, ch’ella saprà ben giustificare perché in questo momento le porte vi siano chiuse contro. Lasciatevi guidare da me. Partite con pazienza, e andiamo tutti alla Tigre a pranzo, e verso sera venite voi stesso solo a conoscer la ragione di questo strano divieto. Se con mano forte tentate d’irrompere ora nel passaggio affollato del giorno, se ne farà un volgare commento, e sarà supposto dalla comune plebaglia contro la vostra stima ancora intatta, tale che con turpe intrusione possa entrare e dimorare sulla vostra tomba quando sarete morto. Ché la calunnia vive per successione, per sempre alloggiata dove una volta prende possesso.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Avete prevalso. Partirò in quiete, e a dispetto dell’allegria intendo essere allegro. Conosco una ragazza d’eccellente conversazione, graziosa e arguta; sfrenata, e pure gentile. Là pranzeremo. Questa donna ch’io dico, mia moglie—ma, lo protesto, senza merito— m’ha spesso rimproverato per lei. Da lei andremo a pranzo. (Ad Angelo) Andate a casa e prendete la catena. Ormai, lo so, è fatta. Portatela, vi prego, al Porcospino, ché là è la casa. Quella catena io la donerò— non foss’altro che per far dispetto a mia moglie— alla mia ostessa colà. Buon signore, affrettatevi: poiché le mie proprie porte rifiutano d’accogliermi, busserò altrove, per vedere se mi sdegneranno.
ANGELO	V’incontrerò in quel luogo fra un’ora.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Fatelo.
(didascalia)	Esce Angelo
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Questo scherzo mi costerà qualche spesa.
(didascalia)	Escono Dromio di Siracusa dentro la
(didascalia)	Fenice, e gli altri nel Porcospino

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Luciana with Antipholus of Syracuse
LUCIANA	And may it be that you have quite forgot A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus, Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot? Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous? If you did wed my sister for her wealth, Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more kindness; Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth: Muffle your false love with some show of blindness. Let not my sister read it in your eye. Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator. Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty; Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger. Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted: Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint. Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted? What simple thief brags of his own attaint? ‘Tis double wrong to truant with your bed, And let her read it in thy looks at board. Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
III	deeds is doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women, make us but believe— Being compact of credit—that you love us. Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve. We in your motion turn, and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not, Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine. Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not Than our earth’s wonder, more than earth divine. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak. Lay open to my earthy gross conceit, Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words’ deceit. Against my soul’s pure truth why labour you To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? Would you create me new? Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Nor to her bed no homage do I owe. Far more, far more, to you do I decline. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note To drown me in thy sister’s flood of tears. Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote. Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I’ll take them, and there lie, And in that glorious supposition think He gains by death that hath such means to die. Let love, being light, be drowned if she sink.
LUCIANA	What, are you mad, that you do reason so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know.
LUCIANA	It is a fault that springeth from your eye.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.
LUCIANA	Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.
LUCIANA	Why call you me ‘love’ ? Call my sister so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thy sister’s sister.
LUCIANA	That’s my sister.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	No, It is thyself, mine own self’s better part, Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart, My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim, My sole earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim.
LUCIANA	All this my sister is, or else should be.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee. Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life. Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife. Give me thy hand.
LUCIANA	O soft, sir, hold you still; I’ll fetch my sister to get her good will.
(didascalia)	Exit
(didascalia)	into
LUCIANA	the
(didascalia)	Phoenix
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Dromio of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, how now, Dromiol Where runn’st thou so fast?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Do you know me, sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself?
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am an ass, I am a woman’s man, and besides myself.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What woman’s man? And how besides thyself?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman: one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast—not that, I being a beast, she would have me, but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A very reverend body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say ‘sir-reverence’. I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? 95 5
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Swart like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept. For why?—She sweats a man may go overshoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	That’s a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, ’tis in grain. Noah’s flood could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What’s her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nell, sir. But her name and three-quarters—that’s an ell and three-quarters—will not measure her from hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS	or SYRACUSE In what part of her body stands Ireland?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I found it out by the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of her hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	In her forehead, armed and reverted, making war against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, sir, upon her nose, all o’er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge or diviner laid claim to me, called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told me what privy marks I had about me—as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm—that I, amazed, ran from her as a witch. And I think if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transformed me to a curtal dog, and made me turn i’th’ wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. An if the wind blow any way from shore, I will not harbour in this town tonight. If any barque put forth, come to the mart, Where I will walk till thou return to me. If everyone knows us, and we know none, ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	As from a bear a man would run for life, So fly I from her that would be my wife.
(didascalia)	Exit to the bay
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	There’s none but witches do inhabit here, And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence. She that doth call me husband, even my soul Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister, Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace, Of such enchanting presence and discourse, Hath almost made me traitor to myself. But lest myself be guilty to self-wrong, I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
(didascalia)	Enter Angelo with the chain
ANGELO	Master Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Ay, that’s my name.
ANGELO	I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain. I thought to have ta’en you at the Porcupine. The chain unfinished made me stay thus long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(taking the chain) What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO	What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not.
ANGELO	Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have. Go home with it, and please your wife withal, And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you, And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I pray you, sir, receive the money now, For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO	You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What I should think of this I cannot tell. But this I think: there’s no man is so vain That would refuse so fair an offered chain. I see a man here needs not live by shifts, When in the streets he meets such golden gifts. I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay. If any ship put out, then straight away! Exit

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano dalla Fenice Luciana con Antifolo di Siracusa
LUCIANA	E può essere che abbiate del tutto scordato l’ufficio d’un marito? Deve, Antifolo, già nella primavera dell’amore marcire la fonte del tuo amore? Deve l’amore, mentre edifica, farsi così rovinoso? Se sposaste mia sorella per le sue ricchezze, allora per amor delle sue ricchezze trattatela con maggiore dolcezza; o se v’aggrada altrove, fatelo di nascosto: velate il vostro falso amore con qualche parvenza di cecità. Che mia sorella non lo legga nel vostro occhio. Non sia la tua lingua oratrice della tua stessa vergogna. Guardate dolce, parlate bene, adornate la slealtà; vestite il vizio da araldo della virtù. Serbate bella apparenza, benché il vostro cuore sia guasto: insegnate al peccato il portamento d’un santo. Siate falso in segreto. Che bisogno ha ella di saperlo? Qual ladro sciocco si vanta della propria macchia? È doppio torto mancar di fede al vostro letto, e lasciar ch’ella lo legga nel vostro volto a tavola. La vergogna ha una fama bastarda, se ben governata;
III	opere è raddoppiata da una parola malvagia. Ahimè, povere donne, fateci solo credere— essendo noi fatte di credulità—che ci amiate. Benché altre abbiano il braccio, mostrate a noi la manica. Noi giriamo al vostro moto, e voi potete muoverci. Dunque, gentile fratello, rientrate. Confortate mia sorella, rallegratela, chiamatela moglie: è santo diporto essere un poco menzogneri quando il dolce fiato dell’adulazione vince la contesa.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Dolce signora—quale altro sia il vostro nome non so, né per qual prodigio indovinate il mio. Nel vostro sapere e nella vostra grazia non vi mostrate minore della meraviglia della nostra terra, più che terrena divina. Insegnatemi, cara creatura, come pensare e parlare. Svelate al mio terreno e grossolano intelletto, soffocato d’errori, fiacco, superficiale, debole, il senso ripiegato dell’inganno delle vostre parole. Contro la pura verità dell’anima mia perché v’adoprate a farla errare in un campo sconosciuto? Siete una dea? Volete crearmi di nuovo? Trasformatemi, dunque, e al vostro potere cederò. Ma s’io sono io, allora ben so che la vostra sorella in pianto non è moglie mia, né al suo letto debbo alcun omaggio. Assai più, assai più, verso voi io inclino. Oh, non m’attirate, dolce sirena, col vostro canto ad annegarmi nel diluvio di lacrime di vostra sorella. Canta, sirena, per te stessa, e io ne andrò folle. Spandi sulle onde d’argento le tue chiome d’oro, e come letto le prenderò, e là mi coricherò, e in quella gloriosa immaginazione penserò che guadagna con la morte chi ha tal modo di morire. Che l’amore, essendo leggero, anneghi se affonda.
LUCIANA	Come, siete pazzo, che ragionate così?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non pazzo, ma sbalordito—come, non lo so.
LUCIANA	È un difetto che nasce dal vostro occhio.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Per aver mirato i vostri raggi, bel sole, standovi accanto.
LUCIANA	Mirate dove dovreste, e ciò vi schiarirà la vista.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Tanto vale chiuder gli occhi, dolce amore, quanto guardar la notte.
LUCIANA	Perché mi chiamate ‘amore’ ? Chiamate così mia sorella.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	La sorella di tua sorella.
LUCIANA	Quella è mia sorella.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	No, sei tu stessa, la parte migliore del mio proprio essere, l’occhio chiaro del mio occhio, il cuore più caro del mio caro cuore, il mio cibo, la mia fortuna, e la meta della mia dolce speranza, il solo cielo della mia terra, e il mio diritto al cielo.
LUCIANA	Tutto ciò è mia sorella, o almeno dovrebbe essere.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Chiamati sorella, dolce, ché io sono te. Te amerò, e con te condurrò la mia vita. Tu non hai ancora marito, né io moglie. Dammi la tua mano.
LUCIANA	Oh piano, signore, state fermo; andrò a chiamar mia sorella per averne il consenso.
(didascalia)	Esce
(didascalia)	dentro
LUCIANA	la
(didascalia)	Fenice
(didascalia)	Entra dalla Fenice Dromio di Siracusa
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ma come, che c’è, Dromiol Dove corri così in fretta?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Mi conoscete, signore? Sono io Dromio? Sono il vostro servo? Sono io me stesso?
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA Tu sei Dromio, tu sei il mio servo, tu sei te stesso.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sono un asino, sono l’uomo d’una donna, e fuori di me.
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA L’uomo di quale donna? E come fuori di te?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, signore, oltre che fuori di me sono dovuto a una donna: una che mi rivendica, una che mi perseguita, una che mi vuole avere.
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA Che diritto accampa ella su di te?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, signore, tal diritto quale voi accampereste sul vostro cavallo; ed ella mi vorrebbe come bestia—non che, essendo io una bestia, ella mi voglia, ma che ella, essendo una creatura assai bestiale, accampi diritto su di me.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Chi è ella?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Un corpo assai reverendo; sì, tale che non se ne può parlare senza dire ‘con rispetto parlando’. Ho magra fortuna in questo partito, eppure ella è un matrimonio meravigliosamente grasso.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Che intendi con un matrimonio grasso? 95 5
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA Perbacco, signore, è la sguattera di cucina, e tutta unto; e non so a che uso destinarla se non a farne una lampada, e fuggirle via alla sua propria luce. Vi garantisco che i suoi cenci e il sego che è in essi arderanno per tutto un inverno di Polonia. Se vive fino al giorno del giudizio, arderà una settimana più del mondo intero.
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA Di che carnagione è ella?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Bruna come la mia scarpa, ma il suo viso nulla affatto tenuto così pulito. E perché?—Suda tanto che si può affondare fin sopra le scarpe nel suo sudiciume.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	È un difetto che l’acqua rimedierà.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No, signore, è tinta a fondo. Il diluvio di Noè non basterebbe.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Come si chiama?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Nell, signore. Ma il suo nome e tre quarti—cioè un’auna e tre quarti—non basterebbero a misurarla da fianco a fianco.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ha dunque una certa larghezza?
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA Non più lunga da capo a piedi che da fianco a fianco. È sferica, come un globo. Potrei scoprire in lei dei paesi.
ANTIFOLO	di SIRACUSA In qual parte del suo corpo sta l’Irlanda?
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA Perbacco, signore, nelle sue natiche. L’ho scoperta dalle paludi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E la Scozia?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	L’ho trovata dalla sterilità, dura nel palmo della sua mano.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E la Francia?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Nella sua fronte, armata e ribelle, che fa guerra contro il suo erede.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E l’Inghilterra?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Cercai le bianche scogliere di gesso, ma non vi potei trovare alcun candore. Ma indovino che stesse nel suo mento, per il salso catarro che scorreva fra la Francia ed esso.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E la Spagna?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	In fede mia, non la vidi, ma la sentii calda nel suo fiato.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E l’America, le Indie?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Oh, signore, sul suo naso, tutto adorno di rubini, carbonchi, zaffiri, che declinano il loro ricco aspetto verso il caldo fiato della Spagna, la quale mandò intere armate di caracche a far zavorra al suo naso.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E dove stavano il Belgio, i Paesi Bassi?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Oh, signore, non guardai tanto in basso. Per concludere, questa sguattera o indovina accampò diritto su di me, mi chiamò Dromio, giurò ch’io le ero promesso, mi disse quali segni segreti avessi addosso—come il segno sulla spalla, il neo sul collo, la gran verruca sul braccio sinistro—sì che io, stupefatto, fuggii da lei come da una strega. E penso che se il mio petto non fosse stato fatto di fede, e il mio cuore d’acciaio, ella m’avrebbe trasformato in un cane scodato, e fatto girare nella ruota.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Va’, affrettati subito. Corri alla rada. E se il vento soffia in qualunque modo da terra, non alloggerò in questa città stanotte. Se qualche barca salpa, vieni al mercato, dove passeggerò finché tu non torni da me. Se ognuno ci conosce, e noi non conosciamo nessuno, è tempo, credo, di far fagotto e andarcene.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Come da un orso si fuggirebbe per la vita, così io fuggo da colei che vorrebbe essermi moglie.
(didascalia)	Esce verso la baia
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Qui non abitano che streghe, e perciò è ben tempo ch’io me ne vada. Colei che mi chiama marito, la mia stessa anima aborre come moglie. Ma la sua bella sorella, dotata di sì gentile e sovrana grazia, di sì incantevole presenza e discorso, m’ha quasi fatto traditore di me stesso. Ma perché io non sia colpevole di torto a me stesso, turerò gli orecchi contro il canto della sirena.
(didascalia)	Entra Angelo con la catena
ANGELO	Messer Antifolo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Sì, è il mio nome.
ANGELO	Lo so bene, signore. Ecco, questa è la catena. Pensavo di trovarvi al Porcospino. La catena non finita mi fece indugiare tanto.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(prendendo la catena) Qual è il vostro volere ch’io faccia di questa?
ANGELO	Ciò che a voi piace, signore. L’ho fatta per voi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Fatta per me, signore? Io non l’ordinai.
ANGELO	Non una volta, né due, ma venti volte l’avete ordinata. Andate a casa con essa, e fatene lieta vostra moglie, e presto, all’ora di cena, verrò a trovarvi, e allora riceverò il mio denaro per la catena.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Vi prego, signore, ricevete il denaro ora, per timore che non vediate mai più né catena né denaro.
ANGELO	Siete un uomo allegro, signore. State bene. Esce
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Che debba pensare di questo non so dire. Ma questo penso: non v’è uomo così stolto che rifiuterebbe una catena così bella offerta. Vedo che qui un uomo non ha bisogno di vivere d’espedienti, quando per le strade incontra tali doni d’oro. Andrò al mercato, e là aspetterò Dromio. Se qualche nave salpa, allora via subito! Esce

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Second Merchant, Angelo the goldsmith, and an Officer
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Angelo) You know since Pentecost the sum is due, And since I have not much importuned you; Nor now I had not, but that I am bound To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage. Therefore make present satisfaction, Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO	Even just the sum that I do owe to you Is growing to me by Antipholus, And in the instant that I met with you He had of me a chain. At five o’clock I shall receive the money for the same. Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house, I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the Courtesan’s house (the Porcupine)
OFFICER	That labour may you save. See where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Dromio) While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow Among my wife and her confederates For locking me out of my doors by day. But soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone. Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Angelo) A man is well holp up that trusts to you! I promised your presence and the chain, But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. Belike you thought our love would last too long If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO	Saving your merry humour, here’s the note How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion, Which doth amount to three odd ducats more Than I stand debted to this gentleman. I pray you see him presently discharged, For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I am not furnished with the present money. Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signor, take the stranger to my house, And with you take the chain, and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof. Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO	Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	No, bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO	Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	An if I have not, sir, I hope you have; Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO	Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain. Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse Your breach of promise to the Porcupine. I should have chid you for not bringing it, But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Angelo) The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) You hear how he importunes me. The chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO	Come, come, you know I gave it you even now. Either send the chain, or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fie, now you run this humour out of breath. Come, where’s the chain? I pray you let me see it.
SECOND MERCHANT	My business cannot brook this dalliance. Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no; If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO	The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO	You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO	You wrong me more, sir, in denying it. Consider how it stands upon my credit.
SECOND MERCHANT	Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER	(to Angelo) I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey me.
ANGELO	(to Antipholus) This touches me in reputation. Either consent to pay this sum for me, Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Consent to pay thee that I never had? Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO	Here is thy fee: arrest him, officer. I would not spare my brother in this case If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER	(to Antipholus) I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I do obey thee till I give thee bail. (To Angelo) But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO	Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, there’s a barque of Epidamnum That stays but till her owner comes aboard, And then she bears away. Our freightage, sir, I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae. The ship is in her trim; the merry wind Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep, What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope, And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	You sent me for a ropës end as soon. You sent me to the bay, sir, for a barque.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I will debate this matter at more leisure, And teach your ears to list me with more heed. To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight. Give her this key, and tell her in the desk That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it. Tell her I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Be gone !— On, officer, to prison, till it come.
(didascalia)	Exeunt all but Dromio of Syracuse
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	To Adriana. That is where we dined, Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband. She is too big, I hope, for me to compass. Thither I must, although against my will; For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil. Exit

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano il Secondo Mercante, Angelo l’orefice, e un Usciere
SECONDO MERCANTE	(ad Angelo) Sapete che dalla Pentecoste la somma è dovuta, e da allora non v’ho molto importunato; né ora lo farei, se non fossi in partenza per la Persia, e mi occorrano fiorini per il viaggio. Perciò datemi presente soddisfazione, o vi farò arrestare da quest’usciere.
ANGELO	Proprio la somma ch’io debbo a voi mi matura da Antifolo, e nell’istante in cui v’incontrai egli ebbe da me una catena. Alle cinque in punto riceverò il denaro per la medesima. Vi piaccia venir con me giù fino alla sua casa, salderò il mio debito, e vi ringrazierò pure.
(didascalia)	Entrano Antifolo di Efeso e Dromio di Efeso dalla casa della Cortigiana (il Porcospino)
USCIERE	Quella fatica ve la potete risparmiare. Ecco, viene lui.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(a Dromio) Mentr’io vado alla casa dell’orefice, tu va’ e compra un capo di fune. Quello lo distribuirò fra mia moglie e le sue complici per avermi chiuso fuori dalla mia porta in pieno giorno. Ma piano, vedo l’orefice. Vattene. Compra una fune, e portamela a casa.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Io compro mille sterline l’anno, io compro una fune. Esce
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(ad Angelo) È ben servito chi si fida di voi! Promisi la vostra presenza e la catena, ma né catena né orefice vennero a me. Forse pensaste che il nostro amore sarebbe durato troppo se fosse stato incatenato insieme, e perciò non veniste.
ANGELO	Salvo il vostro allegro umore, ecco la nota di quanto pesa la vostra catena fino all’ultimo carato, la finezza dell’oro, e la dispendiosa fattura, che ammontano a tre ducati in più di quanto io stia in debito verso questo gentiluomo. Vi prego di vederlo subito soddisfatto, ché egli è in partenza per mare, e attende solo questo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non sono fornito del denaro contante. Inoltre, ho qualche affare in città. Buon signore, conducete lo straniero a casa mia, e portate con voi la catena, e dite a mia moglie di sborsare la somma alla consegna della medesima. Forse sarò là non più tardi di voi.
ANGELO	Le porterete dunque voi stesso la catena?
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	No, portatela voi, caso mai non giunga in tempo.
ANGELO	Ebbene, signore, così farò. Avete la catena addosso?
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	E se non l’ho, signore, spero l’abbiate voi; altrimenti potreste tornare senza il vostro denaro.
ANGELO	Suvvia, vi prego, signore, datemi la catena. Sia il vento sia la marea attendono questo gentiluomo, e io, a mio torto, l’ho trattenuto qui troppo a lungo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Buon Dio! Usate questo trastullo per scusare la vostra promessa mancata al Porcospino. Avrei dovuto io rimproverarvi per non averla portata, ma come una bisbetica siete voi il primo a farla da litigioso.
SECONDO MERCANTE	(ad Angelo) L’ora fugge. Vi prego, signore, sbrigatevi.
ANGELO	(ad Antifolo) Udite come m’importuna. La catena!
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Ma datela a mia moglie, e prendetevi il denaro.
ANGELO	Suvvia, suvvia, sapete che ve la diedi or ora. O mandate la catena, o mandatemi con qualche pegno.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Ohibò, ora spingete questo umore fino a perder fiato. Suvvia, dov’è la catena? Vi prego, fatemela vedere.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Il mio affare non può tollerare questo trastullo. Buon signore, dite se mi risponderete o no; se no, lo lascio all’usciere.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Io rispondere a voi? E che dovrei rispondervi?
ANGELO	Il denaro che mi dovete per la catena.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non vi debbo nulla finché non riceva la catena.
ANGELO	Sapete che ve la diedi mezz’ora fa.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non me ne deste alcuna. Mi fate gran torto a dirlo.
ANGELO	Voi fate maggior torto a me, signore, negandolo. Considerate come ciò tocchi il mio credito.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Ebbene, usciere, arrestatelo su mia querela.
USCIERE	(ad Angelo) Lo faccio, e v’intimo in nome del Duca d’obbedirmi.
ANGELO	(ad Antifolo) Questo mi tocca nella reputazione. O acconsentite a pagare questa somma per me, o vi faccio arrestare da quest’usciere.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Acconsentire a pagarti ciò che mai ebbi? Arrestami, sciocco d’un uomo, se l’osi.
ANGELO	Ecco la tua mercede: arrestatelo, usciere. Non risparmierei mio fratello in questo caso se mi schernisse così apertamente.
USCIERE	(ad Antifolo) Io vi arresto, signore. Avete udito la querela.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	T’obbedisco finché non ti dia cauzione. (Ad Angelo) Ma, messere, pagherete questo spasso a caro prezzo, quanto tutto il metallo della vostra bottega può rispondere.
ANGELO	Signore, signore, avrò giustizia in Efeso, a vostra notoria vergogna, non ne dubito.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Siracusa, dalla baia
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Padrone, c’è una barca d’Epidamno che attende soltanto che il suo armatore salga a bordo, e poi salpa. Il nostro carico, signore, l’ho fatto portare a bordo, e ho comprato l’olio, il balsamo e l’acquavite. La nave è in assetto; l’allegro vento soffia propizio da terra. Non attendono null’altro che il loro armatore, padrone, e voi stesso.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Che c’è ora? Un pazzo? Ma come, pecora stizzosa, quale nave d’Epidamno attende me?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Una nave alla quale mi mandaste, per noleggiare un passaggio.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Schiavo ubriaco, ti mandai per una fune, e ti dissi a qual proposito e a qual fine.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Mi mandaste per un capo di fune altrettanto. Mi mandaste alla baia, signore, per una barca.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Discuterò questa faccenda con più agio, e insegnerò ai vostri orecchi ad ascoltarmi con più attenzione. Da Adriana, furfante, corri difilato. Dalle questa chiave, e dille che nello scrittoio coperto di tappezzeria turca v’è una borsa di ducati. Che la mandi. Dille che sono arrestato per la strada, e che ciò mi farà da cauzione. Affrettati, schiavo. Va’ via!— Avanti, usciere, in prigione, finché essa venga.
(didascalia)	Escono tutti tranne Dromio di Siracusa
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Da Adriana. È là che pranzammo, dove Dolcebella mi rivendicò per suo marito. È troppo grossa, spero, perch’io possa cingerla. Là debbo andare, benché contro la mia voglia; ché i servi debbono compiere il volere dei padroni. Esce

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter from the Phoenix Adriana and Luciana
ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so? Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye That he did plead in earnest, yea or no? Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? What observation mad’st thou in this case Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA	First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA	He meant he did me none, the more my spite.
LUCIANA	Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA	And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA	Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA	And what said he?
LUCIANA	That love I begged for you, he begged of me.
ADRIANA	With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA	With words that in an honest suit might move. First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA	Didst speak him fair?
LUCIANA	Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA	I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still. My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will. He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere, Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere, Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind, Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA	Who would be jealous, then, of such a one? No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
ADRIANA	Ah, but I think him better than I say, And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse. Far from her nest the lapwing cries away. My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse running
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet now, make haste!
LUCIANA	How? Hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE By running fast.
ADRIANA	Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell. A devil in an everlasting garment hath him, One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel; A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough; A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff; A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow launds; A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dryfoot well; One that before the Judgement carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANA	Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I do not know the matter, he is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA	What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I know not at whose suit he is arrested well, But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I tell. Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the money in his desk?
ADRIANA	Go fetch it, sister.
(didascalia)	Exit Luciana into the Phoenix
ADRIANA	This I wonder at, That he unknown to me should be in debt. Tell me, was he arrested on a bond?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not on a bond but on a stronger thing: A chain, a chain—do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA	What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, no, the bell. ‘Tis time that I were gone: It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
ADRIANA	The hours come back! That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a turns back for very fear.
ADRIANA	As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth to season. Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say That time comes stealing on by night and day? If a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way, Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
(didascalia)	Enter Luciana from the Phoenix with the money
ADRIANA	Go, Dromio, there’s the money. Bear it straight, And bring thy master home immediately.
(didascalia)	Exit Dromiol
ADRIANA	Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit: Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano dalla Fenice Adriana e Luciana
ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, ti tentò egli così? Potesti scorgere severamente nel suo occhio s’egli perorasse davvero, sì o no? Appariva rosso o pallido, o triste o allegro? Quale osservazione facesti in questo caso delle meteore del suo cuore che giostravano sul suo volto?
LUCIANA	Dapprima negò che voi non aveste su di lui alcun diritto.
ADRIANA	Voleva dire che a me non ne concedeva alcuno, tanto peggio per me.
LUCIANA	Poi giurò ch’egli era qui uno straniero.
ADRIANA	E giurò il vero, benché spergiuro pure fosse.
LUCIANA	Allora io perorai per voi.
ADRIANA	E che disse egli?
LUCIANA	Quell’amore ch’io mendicai per voi, egli lo mendicò da me.
ADRIANA	Con quale persuasione tentò egli il tuo amore?
LUCIANA	Con parole che in un’onesta domanda potrebbero commuovere. Dapprima lodò la mia bellezza, poi il mio parlare.
ADRIANA	Gli parlasti tu con dolcezza?
LUCIANA	Abbiate pazienza, ve ne supplico.
ADRIANA	Non posso, né voglio, restarmene quieta. La mia lingua, se non il mio cuore, avrà il suo sfogo. Egli è deforme, storto, vecchio e avvizzito, brutto di viso, peggio di corpo, informe dappertutto, vizioso, scortese, sciocco, rozzo, spietato, marchiato nella fattura, peggio nella mente.
LUCIANA	Chi sarebbe geloso, dunque, d’un tal uomo? Nessun male perduto si piange quando se n’è andato.
ADRIANA	Ah, ma lo giudico migliore di quel che dico, e pure vorrei che in questo gli occhi altrui lo giudicassero peggio. Lontano dal suo nido la pavoncella grida. Il mio cuore prega per lui, benché la mia lingua maledica.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Siracusa di corsa
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Qua, presto—lo scrittoio, la borsa! Dolce signora, su, fate in fretta!
LUCIANA	Come? Hai perduto il fiato?
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA A furia di correre.
ADRIANA	Dov’è il tuo padrone, Dromio? Sta bene?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No, è nel limbo del Tartaro, peggio che all’inferno. Lo tiene un diavolo in veste sempiterna, uno il cui duro cuore è abbottonato d’acciaio; un demonio, un folletto, spietato e rozzo; un lupo, anzi peggio, un tale tutto vestito di cuoio; un falso amico, un batti-spalla, uno che sbarra i passaggi di vicoli, d’anse e di stretti sentieri; un segugio che corre a ritroso, eppure fiuta bene la traccia asciutta; uno che prima del Giudizio porta le povere anime all’inferno.
ADRIANA	Ma insomma, uomo, di che si tratta?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non so di che si tratti, egli è ’restato sul caso.
ADRIANA	Come, è arrestato? Dimmi su querela di chi.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non so bene su querela di chi sia arrestato, ma è in veste di cuoio colui che l’ha ’restato, questo so dirlo. Volete mandargli, padrona, il riscatto—il denaro nel suo scrittoio?
ADRIANA	Va’ a prenderlo, sorella.
(didascalia)	Esce Luciana dentro la Fenice
ADRIANA	Di questo mi stupisco, ch’egli a mia insaputa sia in debito. Dimmi, fu arrestato per un’obbligazione?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non per un’obbligazione ma per cosa più salda: una catena, una catena—non la sentite suonare?
ADRIANA	Come, la catena?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No, no, la campana. È tempo ch’io me ne vada: erano le due prima ch’io lo lasciassi, e ora l’orologio batte l’una.
ADRIANA	Le ore tornano indietro! Questo non l’udii mai.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Oh sì, se un’ora incontra uno sbirro, torna indietro per pura paura.
ADRIANA	Come se il tempo fosse indebitato. Che sciocco ragionare è il tuo!
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Il Tempo è un vero fallito, e deve alla stagione più di quanto valga. Anzi, è pure un ladro. Non avete udito dire dagli uomini che il tempo viene furtivo di notte e di giorno? Se egli è nei debiti e nei furti, e c’è uno sbirro per via, non ha ragione di tornare indietro d’un’ora in un giorno?
(didascalia)	Entra Luciana dalla Fenice col denaro
ADRIANA	Va’, Dromio, ecco il denaro. Portalo difilato, e riconduci subito a casa il tuo padrone.
(didascalia)	Esce Dromiol
ADRIANA	Vieni, sorella, sono oppressa dall’immaginare: l’immaginare, mio conforto e mia ferita.
(didascalia)	Escono nella Fenice

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the chain
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me As if I were their well-acquainted friend, And everyone doth call me by my name. Some tender money to me, some invite me, Some other give me thanks for kindnesses. Some offer me commodities to buy. Even now a tailor called me in his shop, And showed me silks that he had bought for me, And therewithal took measure of my body. Sure, these are but imaginary wiles, And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Syracuse with the money
DROMIO	or SYRACUSE Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got redemption from the picture of old Adam new apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison—he that goes in the calf’s skin, that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? Why, ‘tis a plain case: he that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that when gentlemen are tired gives them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a Moorish pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	What, thou mean’st an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band: he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his bond; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says ‘God give you good rest.’
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the barque Expedition put forth tonight, and then were you hindered by the sergeant to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you. 41
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distraught, and so am I, And here we wander in illusions. Some blessed power deliver us from hence.
(didascalia)	Enter a Courtesan from the Porcupine
COURTESAN	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus. I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now. Is that the chain you promised me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches say ‘God damn me’—that’s as much to say, ‘God make me a light wench.’ It is written they appear to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn. Ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
COURTESAN	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir. Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat, and bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Courtesan) Avoid, thou fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping? Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress. I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTESAN	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner, Or for my diamond the chain you promised, And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one’s nail, A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, A nut, a cherry-stone; But she, more covetous, would have a chain. Master, be wise; an if you give it her, The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.
COURTESAN	(to Antipholus) I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain. I hope you do not mean to cheat me so?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch !—Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	‘Fly pride’ says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
COURTESAN	Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad; Else would he never so demean himself. A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats, And for the same he promised me a chain. Both one and other he denies me now. The reason that I gather he is mad, Besides this present instance of his rage, Is a mad tale he told today at dinner Of his own doors being shut against his entrance. Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits, On purpose shut the doors against his way. My way is now to hie home to his house, And tell his wife that, being lunatic, He rushed into my house, and took perforce My ring away. This course I fittest choose, For forty ducats is too much to lose. Exit

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entra Antifolo di Siracusa, con la catena addosso
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non v’è uomo ch’io incontri che non mi saluti come s’io fossi loro amico ben conosciuto, e ognuno mi chiama per nome. Chi m’offre denaro, chi m’invita, chi altro mi ringrazia di cortesie. Chi m’offre mercanzie da comprare. Or ora un sarto mi chiamò nella sua bottega, e mi mostrò sete che aveva comprato per me, e con ciò prese le misure del mio corpo. Certo, questi non sono che immaginari incantesimi, e qui abitano stregoni di Lapponia.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Siracusa col denaro
DROMIO	di SIRACUSA Padrone, ecco l’oro per cui mi mandaste. Come, avete ottenuto il riscatto dal ritratto del vecchio Adamo rivestito di nuovo?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Che oro è questo? Che Adamo intendi?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non quell’Adamo che custodiva il Paradiso, ma quell’Adamo che custodisce la prigione—colui che va nella pelle del vitello, che fu ucciso per il Figliol Prodigo; colui che vi venne dietro, signore, come un angelo malvagio, e v’ingiunse d’abbandonare la vostra libertà.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non ti capisco.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	No? Ma via, è un caso chiaro: colui che andava come una viola da gamba in una custodia di cuoio; l’uomo, signore, che quando i gentiluomini sono stanchi dà loro un sospiro e li ’resta; colui, signore, che ha pietà degli uomini decaduti e dà loro abiti di durata; colui che si mette in posta per compiere con la sua mazza più imprese d’una picca moresca.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Come, intendi un usciere?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Sì, signore, il sergente della banda: colui che porta chiunque a risponderne se rompe la sua obbligazione; uno che crede che l’uomo se ne vada sempre a letto, e dice ‘Dio vi dia buon riposo.’
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Ebbene, signore, riposate lì nelle vostre buffonerie. Salpa stanotte qualche nave? Possiamo andarcene?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Ma come, signore, vi portai notizia un’ora fa che la barca Spedizione salpava stanotte, e allora foste impedito dal sergente a indugiare per il barcone Indugio. Ecco gli angeli che mandaste a prendere per liberarvi. 41
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Il tale è fuori di sé, e così sono io, e qui erriamo fra illusioni. Qualche potenza benedetta ci liberi di qua.
(didascalia)	Entra una Cortigiana dal Porcospino
CORTIGIANA	Ben trovato, ben trovato, messer Antifolo. Vedo, signore, che ora avete trovato l’orefice. È quella la catena che oggi mi prometteste?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Satana, vattene! T’intimo di non tentarmi!
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Padrone, è questa madonna Satana? ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA È il diavolo.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Anzi, ella è peggio, è la madre del diavolo; ed ecco che viene in abito di sgualdrina leggera. E di qui viene che le sgualdrine dicono ‘Dio mi danni’—che è quanto dire ‘Dio mi faccia una sgualdrina leggera.’ Sta scritto che esse appaiono agli uomini come angeli di luce. La luce è un effetto del fuoco, e il fuoco brucia. Ergo, le sgualdrine leggere bruciano. Non le andate vicino.
CORTIGIANA	Il vostro servo e voi siete meravigliosamente allegri, signore. Volete venire con me? Rimedieremo qui al nostro pranzo.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Padrone, se lo fate, aspettatevi pappa col cucchiaio, e ordinate un cucchiaio lungo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Perché, Dromio?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Perbacco, deve avere un cucchiaio lungo chi mangia col diavolo.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(alla Cortigiana) Vattene, demonio! Che vieni a dirmi di cene? Tu sei, come tutte voi siete, una maliarda. Ti scongiuro di lasciarmi e d’andartene.
CORTIGIANA	Datemi il mio anello che aveste a pranzo, o per il mio diamante la catena che prometteste, e me n’andrò, signore, e non vi darò noia.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Certi diavoli chiedono solo i ritagli d’un’unghia, un giunco, un capello, una goccia di sangue, uno spillo, una noce, un nocciolo di ciliegia; ma costei, più cupida, vorrebbe una catena. Padrone, siate saggio; e se gliela date, il diavolo scuoterà la sua catena, e con essa ci spaventerà.
CORTIGIANA	(ad Antifolo) Vi prego, signore, il mio anello, oppure la catena. Spero che non intendiate truffarmi così?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Via di qua, strega!—Vieni, Dromio, andiamocene.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	‘Fuggi la superbia’ dice il pavone. Padrona, questo lo sapete.
(didascalia)	Escono Antifolo di Siracusa e Dromio di Siracusa
CORTIGIANA	Ora, fuor di dubbio, Antifolo è pazzo; altrimenti mai si comporterebbe così. Egli ha un mio anello che vale quaranta ducati, e per il medesimo mi promise una catena. Ora nega a me e l’uno e l’altra. La ragione per cui deduco ch’è pazzo, oltre a questo presente esempio della sua furia, è un folle racconto che fece oggi a pranzo delle sue proprie porte serrate al suo ingresso. Forse sua moglie, conoscendo i suoi accessi, di proposito gli sbarrò le porte in faccia. La mia via ora è d’affrettarmi a casa sua, alla sua dimora, e dire a sua moglie che, essendo lunatico, irruppe nella mia casa, e portò via a forza il mio anello. Questo partito scelgo come il più adatto, ché quaranta ducati son troppi da perdere. Esce

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus with the Officer
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Fear me not, man, I will not break away. I’ll give thee ere I leave thee so much money To warrant thee as I am ‘rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood today, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attached in Ephesus. I tell you ’twill sound harshly in her ears.
(didascalia)	Enter Dromio of Ephesus with a rope’s end
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Here comes my man. I think he brings the money.— How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	But where’s the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To a rope’s end, sir, and to that end am I returned.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. He beats Dromio
OFFICER	Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, ’tis for me to be patient: I am in adversity. 21
OFFICER	Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I am an ass indeed. You may prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating. When I am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home, welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat, and I think when he hath lamed me I shall beg with it from door to door.
(didascalia)	Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a schoolmaster called Pinch
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Come, go along: my wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Mistress, respice finem respect your end—or rather, to prophesy like the parrot, ‘Beware the rope’s end’.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Wilt thou still talk? He beats Dromio
COURTESAN	(to Adriana) How say you now ? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA	His incivility confirms no less.— Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer. Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA	Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTESAN	Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH	(to Antipholus) Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. He strikes Pinch
PINCH	I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
ADRIANA	O that thou wert not, poor distressed soul.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut, And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA	O husband, God doth know you dined at home, Where would you had remained until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dined at home? (To Dromio) Thou villain, what sayst thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Were not my doors locked up, and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Pardie, your doors were locked, and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLIIS OF EPHESUS	And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Certes she did. The kitchen vestal scorned you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	In verity you did. My bones bears witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
ADRIANA	(aside to Pinch) Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH	(aside to Adriana) It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein, And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA	Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Money by me ? Heart and good will you might, But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?
ADRIANA	He came to me, and I delivered it.
LUCIANA	And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	God and the ropemaker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope.
PINCH	(aside to Adriana) Mistress, both man and master is possessed. I know it by their pale and deadly looks. They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Adriana) Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today, (To Dromio) And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA	I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And, gentle master, I received no gold. But I confess, sir, that we were locked out.
ADRIANA	Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. But with these nails I’ll pluck out those false eyes, That would behold in me this shameful sport.
(didascalia)	He reaches for Adriana ; she shrieks. Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives
ADRIANA	O, bind him, bind him. Let him not come near me.
PINCH	More company! The fiend is strong within him.
LUCIANA	Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	What, will you murder me?—Thou, jailer, thou, I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?
OFFICER	Masters, let him go. He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH	Go, bind his man, for he is frantic too. They bind Dromio
ADRIANA	What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OFFICER	He is my prisoner. If I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me.
ADRIANA	I will discharge thee ere I go from thee. Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.— Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, I am here entered in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master— Cry, ‘The devil!’
LUCIANA	God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA	Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the Phoenix, Pinch and others carrying off Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus. The Officer, Adriana, Luciana, and the Courtesan remain
ADRIANA	(To the Officer) Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
OFFICER	One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him?
ADRIANA	I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OFFICER	Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA	Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER	Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA	He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
COURTESAN	Whenas your husband all in rage today Came to my house, and took away my ring— The ring I saw upon his finger now— Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA	It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is. I long to know the truth hereof at large.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse (wearing the chain) and Dromio of Syracuse with their rapiers drawn
LUCIANA	God, for thy mercy, they are loose again!
ADRIANA	And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help To have them bound again.
OFFICER	Away, they’ll kill us! All but Antipholus and Dromio run out, as fast as may be, frighted
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence. I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, stay here this night. They will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still, and turn witch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I will not stay tonight for all the town. Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
(didascalia)	Exeunt

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entra Antifolo di Efeso con l’Usciere
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non aver paura di me, uomo, non scapperò. Prima di lasciarti ti darò tanto denaro da garantirti quanto quello per cui sono ’restato. Mia moglie è oggi d’umore ritroso, e non crederà facilmente al messaggero che io sia stato arrestato in Efeso. Vi dico che ciò suonerà aspro ai suoi orecchi.
(didascalia)	Entra Dromio di Efeso con un capo di fune
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Ecco viene il mio servo. Credo che porti il denaro.— Che c’è, messere? Avete ciò per cui vi mandai?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ecco qui ciò che, ve lo garantisco, li pagherà tutti.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Ma dov’è il denaro?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ma come, signore, diedi il denaro per la fune.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Cinquecento ducati, furfante, per una fune?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Ve ne servirò, signore, cinquecento a quel prezzo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	A qual fine ti dissi d’affrettarti a casa?
DROMIO DI EFESO	A un capo di fune, signore, e a quel capo son tornato.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	E a quel capo, messere, vi darò il benvenuto. Batte Dromio
USCIERE	Buon signore, siate paziente.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Anzi, tocca a me esser paziente: sono io nell’avversità. 21
USCIERE	Suvvia, tieni a freno la lingua.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Anzi, persuadete piuttosto lui a tenere a freno le mani.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Figlio di bagascia, furfante insensato!
DROMIO DI EFESO	Vorrei essere insensato, signore, per non sentire i vostri colpi.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Tu non sei sensibile che ai colpi, e tale è pure l’asino.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Sono un asino davvero. Potete provarlo dalle mie lunghe orecchie.—L’ho servito dall’ora della mia nascita fino a questo istante, e dalle sue mani non ho avuto per il mio servizio altro che percosse. Quando ho freddo, mi riscalda a botte. Quando ho caldo, mi rinfresca a botte. Con esse son svegliato quando dormo, sollevato quando siedo, cacciato fuor di porta quando esco di casa, accolto a casa quando torno. Anzi, me le porto sulle spalle come una mendicante il suo marmocchio, e credo che, quando m’avrà storpiato, ci andrò a mendicare di porta in porta.
(didascalia)	Entrano Adriana, Luciana, la Cortigiana, e un maestro di scuola chiamato Pinch
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Su, andiamo: mia moglie viene di là.
DROMIO DI EFESO	(ad Adriana) Padrona, respice finem, riguardate il vostro fine—o piuttosto, per profetare come il pappagallo, ‘Guardatevi dal capo della fune’.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Vuoi ancora cianciare? Batte Dromio
CORTIGIANA	(ad Adriana) Che ne dite ora? Non è pazzo vostro marito?
ADRIANA	La sua villania non conferma di meno.— Buon dottor Pinch, voi siete uno scongiuratore. Restituitelo di nuovo al suo vero senno, e vi contenterò di quanto chiederete.
LUCIANA	Ahimè, com’ha lo sguardo infocato e tagliente!
CORTIGIANA	Guardate come trema nella sua esaltazione.
PINCH	(ad Antifolo) Datemi la vostra mano, e lasciatemi tastare il polso.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Ecco la mia mano, e ch’essa tasti il vostro orecchio. Colpisce Pinch
PINCH	T’intimo, Satana, annidato in quest’uomo, di cedere il possesso alle mie sante preghiere, e di correr difilato al tuo regno di tenebra: ti scongiuro per tutti i santi del cielo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Taci, rimbambito d’uno stregone, taci! Non sono pazzo.
ADRIANA	Oh, non lo fossi tu, povera anima afflitta.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Voi, sgualdrinella, voi, son questi i vostri clienti? Ha forse questo compare dalla faccia di zafferano gozzovigliato e banchettato oggi in casa mia, mentre a me le porte colpevoli erano serrate, e a me era negato d’entrare nella mia casa?
ADRIANA	Oh marito, Dio sa che pranzaste a casa, dove volesse il cielo foste rimasto fino a quest’ora, libero da queste calunnie e da questa pubblica vergogna.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Pranzato a casa? (A Dromio) Tu, furfante, che dici?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Signore, a dire il vero, non pranzaste a casa.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non erano forse serrate le mie porte, e io chiuso fuori?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Perdio, le vostre porte erano serrate, e voi chiuso fuori.
ANTIFOLIIS DI EFESO	E non m’insultò ella stessa là?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Senza favola, ella stessa v’insultò là.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	E la sua sguattera non m’ingiuriò, beffò e schernì?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Certo che sì. La vestale di cucina vi schernì.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	E non me n’andai io di là infuriato?
DROMIO DI EFESO	In verità sì. Le mie ossa ne fan testimonianza, ch’esse poi hanno sentito il vigore della sua furia.
ADRIANA	(a parte, a Pinch) È bene assecondarlo in queste contraddizioni?
PINCH	(a parte, ad Adriana) Non è vergogna. Il tale trova la sua vena, e, cedendogli, si asseconda bene la sua frenesia.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(ad Adriana) Tu hai subornato l’orefice perché mi arrestasse.
ADRIANA	Ahimè, vi mandai denaro per riscattarvi, per mezzo di Dromio qui, che venne in fretta a prenderlo.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Denaro per mezzo mio? Cuore e buona volontà forse sì, ma certo, padrone, non uno straccio di denaro.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non andasti tu da lei per una borsa di ducati?
ADRIANA	Egli venne da me, e io gliela consegnai.
LUCIANA	E io le sono testimone che così fece.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Dio e il funaio mi siano testimoni che fui mandato solo per una fune.
PINCH	(a parte, ad Adriana) Padrona, e il servo e il padrone sono indemoniati. Lo riconosco dal loro aspetto pallido e mortale. Bisogna legarli e metterli in qualche stanza buia.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(ad Adriana) Di’ perché mi chiudesti fuori oggi, (A Dromio) E tu perché neghi il sacchetto d’oro?
ADRIANA	Non ti chiusi fuori io, gentile marito.
DROMIO DI EFESO	E, gentile padrone, io non ricevetti alcun oro. Ma confesso, signore, che fummo chiusi fuori.
ADRIANA	Furfante simulatore, menti in entrambe le cose.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Bagascia simulatrice, tu sei falsa in tutto, e sei in lega con una banda dannata per fare di me un ripugnante e abietto zimbello. Ma con queste unghie strapperò quei falsi occhi che vorrebbero contemplare in me questo vergognoso spasso.
(didascalia)	Si getta verso Adriana; ella grida. Entrano tre o quattro uomini, e s’accingono a legarlo. Egli si dibatte
ADRIANA	Oh, legatelo, legatelo. Non lasciate che m’avvicini.
PINCH	Altra gente! Il demonio è forte dentro di lui.
LUCIANA	Ahimè, pover’uomo, com’è pallido e smunto.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Come, volete assassinarmi?—Tu, carceriere, tu, io sono tuo prigioniero. Sopporterai che costoro mi strappino via?
USCIERE	Signori, lasciatelo andare. Egli è mio prigioniero, e voi non l’avrete.
PINCH	Su, legate il suo servo, ché anch’egli è forsennato. Legano Dromio
ADRIANA	Che vuoi fare, usciere stizzoso? Provi diletto a veder un uomo sventurato fare oltraggio e danno a se stesso?
USCIERE	Egli è mio prigioniero. Se lo lascio andare, il debito che deve sarà richiesto a me.
ADRIANA	Ti libererò da ogni obbligo prima di lasciarti. Conducimi sull’istante dal suo creditore, e, saputo come il debito sia sorto, lo pagherò.— Buon signor Dottore, fatelo condurre sano e salvo a casa, nella mia dimora. Oh giorno infelicissimo!
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Oh sgualdrina infelicissima!
DROMIO DI EFESO	Padrone, eccomi qua entrato in obbligazione per voi.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Va’ in malora, furfante! Perché mi fai impazzire?
DROMIO DI EFESO	Volete esser legato per nulla? Impazzite, buon padrone— gridate: ‘Il diavolo!’
LUCIANA	Dio li aiuti, povere anime, che vaneggiare è il loro!
ADRIANA	Su, portatelo via di qui. Sorella, venite con me.
(didascalia)	Escono nella Fenice, Pinch e gli altri portando via Antifolo di Efeso e Dromio di Efeso. Restano l’Usciere, Adriana, Luciana e la Cortigiana
ADRIANA	(All’Usciere) Dite ora, su querela di chi è arrestato?
USCIERE	D’un certo Angelo, orefice. Lo conoscete?
ADRIANA	Conosco l’uomo. Qual è la somma che deve?
USCIERE	Duecento ducati.
ADRIANA	Dite, come è divenuta esigibile?
USCIERE	Dovuta per una catena che vostro marito ebbe da lui.
ADRIANA	Egli ordinò una catena per me, ma non l’ebbe.
CORTIGIANA	Quando oggi vostro marito, tutto infuriato, venne alla mia casa, e portò via il mio anello— l’anello che or ora gli ho visto al dito— subito dopo l’incontrai con una catena.
ADRIANA	Può darsi, ma io non la vidi mai. Su, carceriere, conducimi dov’è l’orefice. Bramo di conoscere per intero la verità di questo.
(didascalia)	Entrano Antifolo di Siracusa (con la catena addosso) e Dromio di Siracusa con gli stocchi sguainati
LUCIANA	Dio, per la tua misericordia, sono di nuovo sciolti!
ADRIANA	E vengono con le spade nude. Chiamiamo altro aiuto per farli legare di nuovo.
USCIERE	Via, ci uccideranno! Tutti tranne Antifolo e Dromio fuggono, più in fretta che possono, spaventati
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Vedo che queste streghe hanno paura delle spade.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Colei che voleva esservi moglie ora è fuggita da voi.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Vieni al Centauro. Andiamo a prendere di là la nostra roba. Bramo che siamo sani e salvi a bordo.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	In fede mia, restiamo qui questa notte. Certo non ci faranno alcun male. Vedeste che ci parlano cortesi, ci danno oro. Mi pare che siano una gente così gentile che, se non fosse per la montagna di carne pazza che pretende da me matrimonio, mi sentirei in cuore di restar qui per sempre, e farmi stregone.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Non resterò stanotte per tutta la città. Perciò via, a portare la nostra roba a bordo.
(didascalia)	Escono

Speaker	Line
(didascalia)	Enter Second Merchant and Angelo the goldsmith
ANGELO	I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you, But I protest he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT	How is the man esteemed here in the city?
ANGELO	Of very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly beloved, Second to none that lives here in the city. His word might bear my wealth at any time.
SECOND MERCHANT	Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the
SECOND MERCHANT	chain, and Dromio of Syracuse again
ANGELO	‘Tis so, and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.— Signor Antipholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble, And not without some scandal to yourself, With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain, which now you wear so openly. Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend, Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea today. This chain you had of me. Can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think I had. I never did deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT	Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
SECOND MERCHANT	These ears of mine, thou know‘st, did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch! ’Tis pity that thou liv’st To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Thou art a villain to impeach me thus. I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou dar’st stand.
SECOND MERCHANT	I dare, and do defy thee for a villain. They draw. Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan,
(didascalia)	and others from
SECOND MERCHANT	the
(didascalia)	Phoenix
ADRIANA	Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake; he is mad. Some get within him, take his sword away. Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Run, master, run! For God’s sake take a house. This is some priory—in, or we are spoiled.
(didascalia)	Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the priory
(didascalia)	Enter from the priory the Lady Abbess
ABBESS	Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA	To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. Let us come in, that we may bind him fast, And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO	I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
SECOND MERCHANT	I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS	How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA	This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much, much different from the man he was; But till this afternoon his passion Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS	Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck at sea? Buried some dear friend?Hath not else his eye Strayed his affection in unlawful love— A sin prevailing much in youthful men, Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing? Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA	To none of these, except it be the last, Namely some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS	You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA	Why, so I did.
ABBESS	Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA	As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS	Haply in private.
ADRIANA	And in assemblies too.
ABBESS	Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA	It was the copy of our conference. In bed he slept not for my urging it. At board he fed not for my urging it. Alone, it was the subject of my theme. In company I often glancèd it. Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS	And thereof came it that the man was mad. The venom clamours of a jealous woman Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth. It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing, And thereof comes it that his head is light. Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings. Unquiet meals make ill digestions. Thereof the raging fire offever bred, And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? Thou sayst his sports were hindered by thy brawls. Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue But moody and dull melancholy, Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair, And at her heels a huge infectious troop Of pale distemperatures and foes to Life? In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest To be disturbed would mad or man or beast. The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA	She never reprehended him but mildly When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and wildly. (To Adriana) Why bear you these rebukes, and answer not?
ADRIANA	She did betray me to my own reproof.— Good people, enter, and lay hold on him.
ABBESS	No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA	Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS	Neither. He took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands Till I have brought him to his wits again, Or lose my labour in essaying it.
ADRIANA	I will attend my husband, be his nurse, Diet his sickness, for it is my office, And will have no attorney but myself. And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS	Be patient, for I will not let him stir Till I have used the approved means I have, With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers To make of him a formal man again. It is a branch and parcel of mine oath, A charitable duty of my order. Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA	I will not hence, and leave my husband here; And ill it doth beseem your holiness To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS	Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.
(didascalia)	Exit into the priory
LUCIANA	(to Adriana) Complain unto the Duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA	Come, go, I will fall prostrate at his feet, And never rise until my tears and prayers Have won his grace to come in person hither And take perforce my husband from the Abbess.
SECOND MERCHANT	By this, I think, the dial point’s at five. Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person Comes this way to the melancholy vale, The place of death and sorry execution, Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO	Upon what cause?
SECOND MERCHANT	To see a reverend Syracusian merchant, Who put unluckily into this bay Against the laws and statutes of this town, Beheaded publicly for his offence.
ANGELO	See where they come. We will behold his death.
LUCIANA	Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.
(didascalia)	Enter Solinus Duke of Ephesus, and Egeon the merchant of Syracuse, bareheaded, with the headsman and other officers
DUKE	Yet once again proclaim it publicly: If any friend will pay the sum for him, He shall not die, so much we tender him.
ADRIANA	(kneeling) Justice, most sacred Duke, against the Abbess!
DUKE	She is a virtuous and a reverend lady. It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANA	May it please your grace, Antipholus my husband, Who I made lord of me and all I had At your important letters—this ill day A most outrageous fit of madness took him, That desp’rately he hurried through the street, With him his bondman, all as mad as he, Doing displeasure to the citizens By rushing in their houses, bearing thence Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like. Once did I get him bound, and sent him home, Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went That here and there his fury had committed. Anon, I wot not by what strong escape, He broke from those that had the guard of him, And with his mad attendant and himself, Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords, Met us again, and, madly bent on us, Chased us away; till, raising of more aid, We came again to bind them. Then they fled Into this abbey, whither we pursued them, And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us, And will not suffer us to fetch him out, Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence. Therefore, most gracious Duke, with thy command Let him be brought forth, and borne hence for help.
(didascalia)	DUKE raising Adriana
ADRIANA	Long since, thy husband served me in my wars, And I to thee engaged a prince’s word, When thou didst make him master of thy bed, To do him all the grace and good I could.— Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, And bid the Lady Abbess come to me. I will determine this before I stir.
(didascalia)	Enter a Messenger from the Phoenix
MESSENGER	(to Adriana) O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself! My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the Doctor, Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire, And ever as it blazed they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair. My master preaches patience to him, and the while His man with scissors nicks him like a fool; And sure—unless you send some present help- Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA	Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER	Mistress, upon my life I tell you true. I have not breathed almost since I did see it. He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face and to disfigure you. Cry within Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, be gone!
DUKE	(to Adriana) Come stand by me. Fear nothing. Guard with halberds!
(didascalia)	Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the Phoenix
ADRIANA	Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you That he is borne about invisible. Even now we housed him in the abbey here, And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Justice, most gracious Duke, O grant me justice, Even for the service that long since I did thee, When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice!
EGEON	(aside) Unless the fear of death doth make me dote, I see my son Antipholus, and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there, She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife, That hath abused and dishonoured me Even in the strength and height of injury. Beyond imagination is the wrong That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE	Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	This day, great Duke, she shut the doors upon me While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE	A grievous fautt!—Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA	No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister Today did dine together. So befall my soul As this is false he burdens me withal.
LUCIANA	Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night But she tells to your highness simple truth.
ANGELO	(aside) O perjured woman! They are both forsworn. In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	My liege, I am advised what I say, Neither disturbed with the effect of wine, Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire, Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad. This woman locked me out this day from dinner. That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her, Could witness it, for he was with me then, Who parted with me to go fetch a chain, Promising to bring it to the Porcupine, Where Balthasar and I did dine together. Our dinner done, and he not coming thither, I went to seek him. In the street I met him, And in his company that gentleman. He points to the Second Merchant There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down That I this day of him received the chain, Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which He did arrest me with an officer. I did obey, and sent my peasant home For certain ducats. He with none returned. Then fairly I bespoke the officer To go in person with me to my house. By th’ way, we met my wife, her sister, and a rabble more Of vile confederates. Along with them They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller, A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, A living dead man. This pernicious slave, Forsooth,took on him as a conjurer, And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse, And with no face, as ’twere, outfacing me, Cries out I was possessed. Then all together They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, And in a dark and dankish vault at home There left me and my man, both bound together, Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder, I gained my freedom, and immediately Ran hither to your grace, whom I beseech To give me ample satisfaction For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO	My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him: That he dined not at home, but was locked out.
DUKE	But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
ANGELO	He had, my lord, and when he ran in here These people saw the chain about his neck.
SECOND MERCHANT	(to Antipholus) Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine Heard you confess you had the chain of him, After you first forswore it on the mart, And thereupon I drew my sword on you; And then you fled into this abbey here, From whence I think you are come by miracle.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never came within these abbey walls, Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. I never saw the chain, so help me heaven, And this is false you burden me withal.
DUKE	Why, what an intricate impeach is this! I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup. If here you housed him, here he would have been. If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly. (To Adriana) You say he dined at home, the goldsmith here Denies that saying. (To Dromio) Sirrah, what say you?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	(pointing out the Courtesan) Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porcupine.
COURTESAN	He did, and from my finger snatched that ring.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.
DUKE	(to Courtesan) Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?
COURTESAN	As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.
DUKE	Why, this is strange. Go call the Abbess hither. I think you are all mated, or stark mad.
(didascalia)	Exit one to the priory
EGEON	(coming forward) Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word. Haply I see a friend will save my life, And pay the sum that may deliver me.
DUKE	Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.
EGEON	(to Antipholus) Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus? And is not that your bondman Dromio?
(didascalia)	Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords. Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.
EGEON	I am sure you both of you remember me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you; For lately we were bound as you are now. You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?
EGEON	Why look you strange on me? You know me well.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never saw you in my life till now.
EGEON	O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last, And careful hours with time’s deformed hand Have written strange defeatures in my face. But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Neither.
EGEON	Dromio, nor thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, trust me sir, nor I.
EGEON	I am sure thou dost.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him.
EGEON	Not know my voice ? O time’s extremity, Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue In seven short years that here my only son Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares? Though now this grained face of mine be hid In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow, And all the conduits of my blood froze up, Yet hath my night of life some memory, My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left, My dull deaf ears a little use to hear. All these old witnesses, I cannot err, Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I never saw my father in my life.
EGEON	But seven years since, in Syracusa bay, Thou know‘st we parted. But perhaps, my son, Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	The Duke, and all that know me in the city, Can witness with me that it is not so. I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.
DUKE	(to Egeon) I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years Have I been patron to Antipholus, During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.
(didascalia)	Enter from the priory the Abbess, with Antipholus
DUKE	of Syracuse, wearing the chain, and Dromio of Syracuse
ABBESS	Most mighty Duke, behold a man much wronged. All gather to see them
ADRIANA	I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.
DUKE	One of these men is genius to the other: And so of these, which is the natural man, And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I, sir, am Dromio. Pray let me stay.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Egeon, art thou not? Or else his ghost.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, my old master, who hath bound him here?
ABBESS	Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds, And gain a husband by his liberty. Speak, old Egeon, if thou beest the man That hadst a wife once called Emilia, That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. O, if thou beest the same Egeon, speak, And speak unto the same Emilia.
DUKE	Why, here begins his morning story right: These two Antipholus’, these two so like, And these two Dromios, one in semblance— Besides his urging of her wreck at sea. These are the parents to these children, Which accidentally are met together.
EGEON	If I dream not, thou art Emilia. If thou art she, tell me, where is that son That floated with thee on the fatal raft?
ABBESS	By men of Epidamnum he and I And the twin Dromio all were taken up. But, by and by, rude fishermen of Corinth By force took Dromio and my son from them, And me they left with those of Epidamnum. What then became of them I cannot tell; I, to this fortune that you see me in.
DUKE	(to Antipholus of Syracuse) Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse.
DUKE	Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And I with him.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Brought to this town by that most famous warrior, Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.
ADRIANA	Which of you two did dine with me today?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I, gentle mistress.
ADRIANA	And are not you my husband?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	No, I say nay to that.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	And so do I. Yet did she call me so; And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here, Did call me brother. (To Luciana) What I told you then I hope I shall have leisure to make good, If this be not a dream I see and hear.
ANGELO	That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	I think it be, sir. I deny it not.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	(to Angelo) And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.
ANGELO	I think I did, sir. I deny it not.
ADRIANA	(to Antipholus of Ephesus) I sent you money, sir, to be your bail, By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, none by me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	(to Adriana) This purse of ducats I received from you, And Dromio my man did bring them me. I see we still did meet each other’s man, And I was ta’en for him, and he for me, And thereupon these errors are arose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	These ducats pawn I for my father here.
DUKE	It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.
COURTESAN	Sir, I must have that diamond from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer.
ABBESS	Renowned Duke, vouchsafe to take the pains To go with us into the abbey here, And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes, And all that are assembled in this place, That by this sympathized one day’s error Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company, And we shall make full satisfaction. Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail Of you, my sons, and till this present hour My heavy burden ne’er delivered. The Duke, my husband, and my children both, And you the calendars of their nativity, Go to a gossips’ feast, and joy with me. After so long grief, such festivity!
DUKE	With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast.
(didascalia)	Exeunt into the priory all but the two Dromios and two brothers Antipholus
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	(to Antipholus of Ephesus) Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS	Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio. Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon. Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.
(didascalia)	Exeunt the brothers
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE	Antipholus
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There is a fat friend at your master’s house, That kitchened me for you today at dinner. She now shall be my sister, not my wife.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Methinks you are my glass and not my brother. I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth. Will you walk in to see their gossiping?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not I, sir, you are my elder.
DROMIO	or EPHESUS That’s a question. How shall we try it?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	We’ll draw cuts for the senior. Till then, lead thou first.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, then thus: We came into the world like brother and brother, And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another.
(didascalia)	Exeunt to the priory
THE	first, 1598 edition of Love’s Labour’s Lost is the earliest play text to carry Shakespeare’s name on the title-page, which also refers to performance before the Queen ‘this last Christmas’. The play is said to be ‘Newly corrected and augmented’, so perhaps an earlier edition has failed to survive. Even so, the text shows every sign of having been printed from Shakespeare’s working papers, since it includes some passages in draft as well as in revised form. We print the drafts as Additional Passages. The play was probably written some years before publication, in 1594 or 1595. The setting is Navarre—a kingdom straddling the border between Spain and France—where the young King and three of his friends vow to devote the following three years to austere self-improvement, forgoing the company of women. But they have forgotten the imminent arrival on a diplomatic mission of the Princess of France with, as it happens, three of her ladies; much comedy derives from, first, the men’s embarrassed attempts to conceal from one another that they are falling in love, and second, the girls’ practical joke in exchanging identities when the men, disguised as Russians, come to entertain and to woo them. Shakespeare seems to have picked up the King’s friends’ names—Biron, Dumaine, and Longueville—from leading figures in contemporary France, but to have invented the plot himself. He counterpoints the main action with events involving characters based in part on the type-figures of Italian commedia dell‘arte who reflect facets of the lords’ personalities. Costard, an unsophisticated, open-hearted yokel, and his girl-friend Jaquenetta are sexually uninhibited; Don Adriano de Armado, ‘a refinèd traveller of Spain’ who also, though covertly, loves Jaquenetta, is full of pompous affectation; and Holofernes, a schoolmaster (seen always with his doting companion, the curate Sir Nathaniel), demonstrates the avid pedantry into which the young men’s verbal brilliance could degenerate. Much of the play’s language is highly sophisticated (this is, as the title-page claims, a ‘conceited comedy’), in keeping with its subject matter. But the action reaches its climax when a messenger brings news which is communicated entirely without verbal statement. This is a theatrical masterstroke which also signals Shakespeare’s most daring experiment with comic form. ‘The scene begins to cloud’; in the play’s closing minutes the lords and ladies seek to readjust themselves to the new situation, and the play ends in subdued fashion with a third entertainment, the songs of the owl and the cuckoo. Love’s Labour’s Lost was for long regarded as a play of excessive verbal sophistication, of interest mainly because of a series of supposed topical allusions; but a number of distinguished twentieth-century productions revealed its theatrical mastery.
THE PERSONS OF THE	PLAY Ferdinand, KING of Navarre Don Adriano de ARMADO, an affected Spanish braggart MOTE, his page
PRINCESS	of France COSTARD, a Clown JAQUENETTA, a country wench Sir NATHANIEL, a curate HOLOFERNES, a schoolmaster Anthony DULL, a constable MERCADE, a messenger A FORESTER

Chi parla	Battuta
(didascalia)	Entrano il Secondo Mercante e Angelo l’orefice
ANGELO	Mi dispiace, signore, d’avervi trattenuto, ma protesto ch’egli ebbe da me la catena, benché assai disonestamente lo neghi.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Com’è stimato quest’uomo qui in città?
ANGELO	Di riverendissima reputazione, signore, di credito infinito, altamente amato, secondo a nessuno di quanti vivono qui in città. La sua parola potrebbe garantire i miei averi in qualunque momento.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Parlate piano. Laggiù, credo, sta passeggiando.
(didascalia)	Entra Antifolo di Siracusa, portando la
SECONDO MERCANTE	catena, e di nuovo Dromio di Siracusa
ANGELO	È così, e quella stessa catena al collo che negò mostruosamente d’avere. Buon signore, accostatevi a me. Gli parlerò.— Messer Antifolo, molto mi meraviglio che vogliate espormi a questa vergogna e a questo fastidio, e non senza qualche scandalo per voi stesso, negando con circostanze e giuramenti questa catena, che ora portate così apertamente. Oltre alla spesa, alla vergogna, alla prigionia, avete fatto torto a questo mio onesto amico, il quale, se non fosse per l’indugio della nostra controversia, avrebbe issato le vele e preso il mare oggi stesso. Questa catena l’aveste da me. Potete negarlo?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Credo d’averla avuta. Non l’ho mai negato.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Sì che lo faceste, signore, e per giunta lo giuraste.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Chi mi udì negarlo o giurarlo?
SECONDO MERCANTE	Questi miei orecchi, tu lo sai, t’udirono. Vergogna su di te, miserabile! È un peccato che tu viva per andare dove s’adunano uomini onesti.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Tu sei un furfante a incolparmi così. Proverò il mio onore e la mia onestà contro di te sull’istante, se osi tener testa.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Oso, e ti sfido come furfante. Sguainano. Entrano Adriana, Luciana, la Cortigiana,
(didascalia)	e altri da
SECONDO MERCANTE	la
(didascalia)	Fenice
ADRIANA	Fermi, non fategli male, per amor di Dio; è pazzo. Qualcuno gli si accosti, gli tolga la spada. Legate anche Dromio, e portateli alla mia casa.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Corri, padrone, corri! Per amor di Dio, rifugiati in una casa. Questo è un priorato—dentro, o siamo rovinati.
(didascalia)	Escono Antifolo di Siracusa e Dromio di Siracusa nel priorato
(didascalia)	Entra dal priorato la signora Badessa
BADESSA	Calma, brava gente. Perché v’accalcate qua?
ADRIANA	Per portar via di qui il mio povero marito uscito di senno. Lasciateci entrare, che possiamo legarlo stretto, e condurlo a casa per la sua guarigione.
ANGELO	Sapevo bene che non era nel suo perfetto senno.
SECONDO MERCANTE	Ora mi dispiace d’aver sguainato contro di lui.
BADESSA	Da quanto tempo questa possessione tiene quest’uomo?
ADRIANA	Questa settimana è stato greve, acido, triste, e assai, assai diverso dall’uomo ch’egli era; ma fino a questo pomeriggio la sua passione non era mai esplosa in estremo furore.
BADESSA	Non ha egli perduto molti beni in un naufragio in mare? Sepolto qualche caro amico? O non ha forse il suo occhio traviato il suo affetto in un illecito amore— peccato assai frequente negli uomini giovani, che concedono ai loro occhi la libertà di mirare? A quale di questi dolori è egli soggetto?
ADRIANA	A nessuno di questi, se non forse all’ultimo, cioè un qualche amore che spesso lo traeva lontano da casa.
BADESSA	Per questo avreste dovuto riprenderlo.
ADRIANA	Ma sì che lo feci.
BADESSA	Sì, ma non abbastanza aspramente.
ADRIANA	Con tanta asprezza quanta il mio pudore mi concedeva.
BADESSA	Forse in privato.
ADRIANA	E anche in compagnia.
BADESSA	Sì, ma non abbastanza.
ADRIANA	Era il tema d’ogni nostro colloquio. A letto non dormiva perché io glielo rinfacciavo. A tavola non mangiava perché io glielo rinfacciavo. Da soli, era il soggetto del mio discorso. In compagnia spesso vi alludevo. Sempre gli dicevo ch’era vile e cattivo.
BADESSA	E di qui venne che quell’uomo impazzì. I velenosi clamori d’una donna gelosa avvelenano più mortalmente del dente d’un cane rabbioso. Pare che i suoi sonni fossero impediti dalle tue querele, e di qui viene che la sua testa vaneggia. Tu dici che il suo cibo era condito dai tuoi rimproveri. Pasti inquieti fanno cattive digestioni. Di qui nacque il fuoco furioso della febbre, e che cos’è una febbre se non un accesso di follia? Tu dici che i suoi svaghi erano impediti dalle tue liti. Sbarrato il dolce diporto, che ne segue se non tetra e ottusa malinconia, congiunta della truce e sconsolata disperazione, e alle sue calcagna una schiera immensa e contagiosa di pallidi malanni e nemici della Vita? Nel cibo, nello svago, e nel riposo che conserva la vita l’esser turbati farebbe impazzire o uomo o bestia. La conseguenza è, dunque, che i tuoi accessi di gelosia hanno scacciato tuo marito dall’uso del senno.
LUCIANA	Ella non lo riprese mai se non con dolcezza quando egli si comportava rude, rozzo e selvaggio. (Ad Adriana) Perché sopportate questi rimproveri, e non rispondete?
ADRIANA	Ella m’ha tradita nella mia stessa condanna.— Buona gente, entrate, e mettetegli le mani addosso.
BADESSA	No, non entra creatura nella mia casa.
ADRIANA	Allora che i vostri servi conducano fuori mio marito.
BADESSA	Neppure. Egli prese questo luogo per asilo, e questo lo proteggerà dalle vostre mani finché io non l’abbia ricondotto al suo senno, o non perda la mia fatica nel tentarlo.
ADRIANA	Assisterò io mio marito, gli sarò infermiera, curerò con la dieta il suo male, ché è mio ufficio, e non avrò altro procuratore che me stessa. E perciò lasciate ch’io l’abbia a casa con me.
BADESSA	Siate paziente, ché non lo lascerò muovere finché non abbia usato i comprovati mezzi che possiedo, con sciroppi salutari, farmaci e sante preghiere, per farne di nuovo un uomo in regola. È un ramo e una parte del mio voto, caritatevole dovere del mio ordine. Perciò andatevene, e lasciatelo qui con me.
ADRIANA	Non me n’andrò di qui, lasciando qui mio marito; e mal s’addice alla vostra santità separare il marito e la moglie.
BADESSA	State quieta e andatevene. Non l’avrete.
(didascalia)	Esce nel priorato
LUCIANA	(ad Adriana) Lagnatevi col Duca di quest’oltraggio.
ADRIANA	Vieni, andiamo, mi getterò prostrata ai suoi piedi, e non mi rialzerò finché le mie lacrime e le mie preghiere non abbiano ottenuto dalla sua grazia ch’egli venga qua in persona e tolga a forza mio marito alla Badessa.
SECONDO MERCANTE	A quest’ora, credo, la lancetta segna le cinque. Fra poco, ne son certo, il Duca stesso in persona verrà per questa via alla valle malinconica, il luogo della morte e della triste esecuzione, dietro i fossati dell’abbazia qui.
ANGELO	Per qual causa?
SECONDO MERCANTE	Per vedere un venerando mercante siracusano, che per sventura approdò in questa baia contro le leggi e gli statuti di questa città, decapitato pubblicamente per la sua colpa.
ANGELO	Ecco che vengono. Assisteremo alla sua morte.
LUCIANA	Inginocchiatevi al Duca prima ch’egli oltrepassi l’abbazia.
(didascalia)	Entrano Solino Duca di Efeso, e Egeone il mercante di Siracusa, a capo scoperto, col boia e altri ufficiali
DUCA	Ancora una volta proclamatelo pubblicamente: se qualche amico pagherà la somma per lui, egli non morrà, tanto ci sta a cuore.
ADRIANA	(inginocchiandosi) Giustizia, sacratissimo Duca, contro la Badessa!
DUCA	Ella è una dama virtuosa e riverita. Non può essere ch’ella t’abbia fatto torto.
ADRIANA	Piaccia a vostra grazia: Antifolo, mio marito, ch’io feci signore di me e di quanto avevo per le vostre pressanti lettere—in questo giorno funesto un accesso di follia oltremodo furioso lo prese, sì che disperatamente si precipitò per la strada, con lui il suo servo, pazzo al pari di lui, recando dispiacere ai cittadini irrompendo nelle loro case, portandone via anelli, gioielli, tutto ciò che alla sua furia piacesse. Una volta riuscii a farlo legare, e lo mandai a casa, mentr’io andavo a rimediare ai torti che qua e là la sua furia aveva commesso. Poco dopo, non so per quale forte fuga, egli si sciolse da quelli che lo custodivano, e col suo pazzo servitore, egli e quello, ciascuno con irosa passione, con le spade sguainate, ci incontrò di nuovo, e, follemente avventandosi contro di noi, ci mise in fuga; finché, raccolto altro aiuto, tornammo per legarli. Allora essi fuggirono in questa abbazia, dove li inseguimmo, e qui la Badessa ci chiude in faccia i cancelli, e non vuol permetterci di trarlo fuori, né mandarlo fuori perché possiamo portarlo via. Perciò, graziosissimo Duca, col tuo comando fa’ che sia tratto fuori, e portato via per esser curato.
(didascalia)	IL DUCA rialzando Adriana
ADRIANA	Da gran tempo tuo marito mi servì nelle mie guerre, e io a te impegnai la parola d’un principe, quando lo facesti padrone del tuo letto, di fargli tutta la grazia e il bene che potessi.— Andate, alcuni di voi, bussate al cancello dell’abbazia, e dite alla signora Badessa di venire da me. Deciderò questa faccenda prima di muovermi.
(didascalia)	Entra un Messaggero dalla Fenice
MESSAGGERO	(ad Adriana) Oh padrona, padrona, scappate e salvatevi! Il mio padrone e il suo servo si sono sciolti entrambi, hanno battuto le serve una dopo l’altra, e legato il Dottore, a cui hanno bruciacchiato la barba con tizzoni di fuoco, e via via ch’essa avvampava gli gettavano addosso gran secchi di fanghiglia per spegnere i peli. Il mio padrone gli predica pazienza, e intanto il suo servo con le forbici lo tosa come un buffone; e certo—se non mandate qualche pronto soccorso— fra loro due uccideranno lo scongiuratore.
ADRIANA	Taci, sciocco. Il tuo padrone e il suo servo sono qui, ed è falso ciò che ci riferisci.
MESSAGGERO	Padrona, sulla mia vita vi dico il vero. Non ho quasi ripreso fiato da quando l’ho visto. Egli grida cercando voi, e giura che, se potrà prendervi, vi brucerà il viso e vi sfigurerà. Grida di dentro Udite, udite, lo sento, padrona. Fuggite, via!
DUCA	(ad Adriana) Venite, statemi accanto. Non abbiate paura di nulla. Guardie, alle alabarde!
(didascalia)	Entrano Antifolo di Efeso e Dromio di Efeso dalla Fenice
ADRIANA	Ahimè, è mio marito! Siatemi testimoni ch’egli è trasportato in giro invisibile. Or ora l’avevamo rinchiuso qui nell’abbazia, e ora è là, oltre ogni pensiero d’umana ragione.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Giustizia, graziosissimo Duca, oh concedimi giustizia, anche solo per il servizio che gran tempo fa ti resi, quando ti feci scudo nelle guerre, e presi profonde ferite per salvarti la vita; anche solo per il sangue che allora perdetti per te, ora concedimi giustizia!
EGEONE	(a parte) Se la paura della morte non mi fa vaneggiare, vedo mio figlio Antifolo, e Dromio.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Giustizia, dolce principe, contro quella donna là, colei che tu mi desti perché fosse mia moglie, che m’ha oltraggiato e disonorato proprio nel colmo e nel culmine dell’ingiuria. Oltre ogni immaginazione è il torto ch’ella oggi mi ha svergognatamente inflitto.
DUCA	Rivela come, e mi troverai giusto.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Oggi, gran Duca, ella mi serrò le porte in faccia mentre con delle sgualdrine banchettava nella mia casa.
DUCA	Una grave colpa!—Dite, donna, faceste così?
ADRIANA	No, mio buon signore. Io stessa, lui e mia sorella oggi pranzammo insieme. Così tocchi alla mia anima com’è falso ciò di cui m’accusa.
LUCIANA	Ch’io non riveda mai il giorno né dorma la notte se ella non dice a vostra altezza la pura verità.
ANGELO	(a parte) Oh donna spergiura! Sono entrambe spergiure. In questo il pazzo giustamente le accusa.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Mio sovrano, so bene ciò che dico, né turbato dall’effetto del vino, né spinto a testa calda da ira furiosa, benché i miei torti potrebbero far impazzire uno più savio. Questa donna oggi mi chiuse fuori dal pranzo. Quell’orefice là, se non fosse in combutta con lei, potrebbe testimoniarlo, ché allora era con me, e si separò da me per andare a prendere una catena, promettendo di portarla al Porcospino, dove Baldassarre e io pranzammo insieme. Finito il nostro pranzo, e non venendo egli là, andai a cercarlo. Per la strada lo incontrai, e in sua compagnia quel gentiluomo. Indica il Secondo Mercante Là quest’orefice spergiuro mi giurò in faccia che io quel giorno stesso avevo ricevuto da lui la catena, la quale, Dio lo sa, non vidi mai. E per questo egli mi fece arrestare da un usciere. Io obbedii, e mandai il mio villano a casa per certi ducati. Egli tornò senza nulla. Allora cortesemente pregai l’usciere di venire di persona con me alla mia casa. Per la strada incontrammo mia moglie, sua sorella, e una marmaglia d’altri vili complici. Insieme a loro conducevano un certo Pinch, un furfante famelico e sparuto, un vero scheletro, un ciarlatano, un giocoliere spelacchiato, e un indovino, un miserabile bisognoso, dagli occhi incavati e dallo sguardo aguzzo, un morto vivente. Questo pernicioso schiavo, in verità, si spacciò per scongiuratore, e fissandomi negli occhi, tastandomi il polso, e senza faccia, per così dire, sfacciandomi in viso, grida ch’io ero posseduto. Allora tutti insieme mi si gettarono addosso, mi legarono, mi portarono via di là, e in una volta buia e umidiccia a casa lasciarono me e il mio servo, legati insieme, finché, rodendomi coi denti i legami fino a spezzarli, guadagnai la mia libertà, e immediatamente corsi qua da vostra grazia, che supplico di darmi ampia soddisfazione per queste profonde vergogne e questi grandi oltraggi.
ANGELO	Mio signore, in verità, fin qui testimonio con lui: ch’egli non pranzò a casa, ma fu chiuso fuori.
DUCA	Ma ebbe da te una tal catena, o no?
ANGELO	L’ebbe, mio signore, e quando corse qua dentro questa gente vide la catena al suo collo.
SECONDO MERCANTE	(ad Antifolo) Inoltre, giurerei che questi miei orecchi v’udirono confessare che aveste da lui la catena, dopo che dapprima l’aveste negata al mercato, e allora sguainai la mia spada contro di voi; e poi fuggiste qua dentro in questa abbazia, donde credo che siate uscito per miracolo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non entrai mai dentro queste mura d’abbazia, né mai tu sguainasti la tua spada contro di me. Non vidi mai la catena, m’aiuti il cielo, ed è falso ciò di cui mi caricate.
DUCA	Ma che intricata accusa è mai questa! Credo che abbiate bevuto tutti alla coppa di Circe. Se qui l’aveste rinchiuso, qui sarebbe stato. S’egli fosse pazzo, non perorerebbe così freddamente. (Ad Adriana) Voi dite ch’egli pranzò a casa; l’orefice qui nega quel detto. (A Dromio) Messere, che dite voi?
DROMIO DI EFESO	(indicando la Cortigiana) Signore, egli pranzò con lei là, al Porcospino.
CORTIGIANA	Sì, e dal mio dito strappò quell’anello.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	È vero, mio sovrano, questo anello l’ebbi da lei.
DUCA	(alla Cortigiana) Lo vedesti tu entrare qui nell’abbazia?
CORTIGIANA	Sicuro, mio sovrano, come vedo vostra grazia.
DUCA	Ma questo è strano. Andate a chiamare qua la Badessa. Credo che siate tutti sbalorditi, o del tutto pazzi.
(didascalia)	Esce uno verso il priorato
EGEONE	(facendosi avanti) Potentissimo Duca, concedimi di dire una parola. Forse vedo un amico che salverà la mia vita, e pagherà la somma che può liberarmi.
DUCA	Parla liberamente, siracusano, quel che vuoi.
EGEONE	(ad Antifolo) Non vi chiamate voi, signore, Antifolo? E quello non è il vostro servo Dromio?
(didascalia)	Entro quest’ora fui suo servo, signore,
DROMIO DI EFESO	ma egli, e lo ringrazio, mi rose in due le corde. Ora sono Dromio, e suo servo, slegato.
EGEONE	Son certo che voi entrambi mi ricordate.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Noi stessi ci ricordiamo, signore, grazie a voi; ché poco fa eravamo legati come voi siete ora. Non siete mica un paziente di Pinch, signore?
EGEONE	Perché mi guardate come un estraneo? Mi conoscete bene.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non vi vidi mai in vita mia fino ad ora.
EGEONE	Oh, il dolore m’ha mutato da quando mi vedeste l’ultima volta, e le ore angosciose con la mano deforme del tempo hanno scritto strani disfacimenti sul mio volto. Ma dimmi almeno: non riconosci la mia voce?
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Neppure.
EGEONE	Dromio, e tu nemmeno?
DROMIO DI EFESO	No, credetemi signore, neppure io.
EGEONE	Son certo di sì.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Sì, signore, ma io son certo di no, e qualunque cosa un uomo neghi, ora siete tenuto a credergli.
EGEONE	Non riconoscere la mia voce? Oh estremità del tempo, hai tu così incrinato e spezzato la mia povera lingua in sette brevi anni, che qui il mio unico figlio non riconosce la mia fioca chiave d’affanni scordati? Benché ora questo mio volto solcato sia nascosto nella neve stillante dell’inverno che consuma la linfa, e tutti i condotti del mio sangue siano gelati, pure la notte della mia vita ha qualche memoria, le mie lampade morenti qualche fioco barlume, i miei orecchi sordi e ottusi un poco d’udito. Tutti questi vecchi testimoni, non posso errare, mi dicono che tu sei mio figlio Antifolo.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Non vidi mai mio padre in vita mia.
EGEONE	Ma sette anni fa, nella baia di Siracusa, tu sai che ci separammo. Ma forse, figlio mio, ti vergogni di riconoscermi nella miseria.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Il Duca, e tutti quelli che mi conoscono nella città, possono testimoniare con me che non è così. Non vidi mai Siracusa in vita mia.
DUCA	(a Egeone) Ti dico, siracusano, che per vent’anni sono stato patrono d’Antifolo, durante il qual tempo egli non vide mai Siracusa. Vedo che la tua età e i tuoi pericoli ti fanno vaneggiare.
(didascalia)	Entrano dal priorato la Badessa, con Antifolo
DUCA	di Siracusa, con la catena addosso, e Dromio di Siracusa
BADESSA	Potentissimo Duca, ecco un uomo assai offeso. Tutti s’accalcano a vederli
ADRIANA	Vedo due mariti, o i miei occhi m’ingannano.
DUCA	Uno di questi uomini è il genio dell’altro: e così di questi, qual è l’uomo naturale, e quale lo spirito? Chi li decifra?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Io, signore, sono Dromio. Ordinategli d’andarsene.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Io, signore, sono Dromio. Vi prego, lasciate ch’io resti.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Egeone, non sei tu? O il suo spettro.
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Oh, il mio vecchio padrone, chi l’ha legato qui?
BADESSA	Chiunque l’abbia legato, io ne scioglierò i legami, e con la sua libertà guadagnerò un marito. Parla, vecchio Egeone, se tu sei quell’uomo che ebbe un tempo una moglie chiamata Emilia, che ti partorì d’un sol parto due bei figli. Oh, se tu sei quello stesso Egeone, parla, e parla alla stessa Emilia.
DUCA	Ma ecco che la sua storia del mattino comincia a quadrare: questi due Antifoli, questi due così simili, e questi due Dromi, un solo volto in due— oltre al suo racconto del naufragio di lei in mare. Questi sono i genitori di questi figli, che per caso si sono qui incontrati.
EGEONE	Se non sogno, tu sei Emilia. Se sei lei, dimmi, dov’è quel figlio che galleggiò con te sulla zattera fatale?
BADESSA	Da uomini d’Epidamno lui e io e il gemello Dromio fummo tutti raccolti. Ma, poco dopo, rozzi pescatori di Corinto tolsero loro a forza Dromio e mio figlio, e me lasciarono con quelli d’Epidamno. Che ne sia poi stato di loro non so dire; io, alla sorte in cui mi vedete.
DUCA	(ad Antifolo di Siracusa) Antifolo, tu venisti prima da Corinto.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	No, signore, non io. Io venni da Siracusa.
DUCA	Fermi, statevi separati. Non so distinguere l’uno dall’altro.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Io venni da Corinto, graziosissimo signore.
DROMIO DI EFESO	E io con lui.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Condotti in questa città da quel famosissimo guerriero, il duca Menafone, il vostro rinomatissimo zio.
ADRIANA	Quale di voi due pranzò oggi con me?
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Io, gentile signora.
ADRIANA	E non siete voi mio marito?
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	No, a questo dico di no.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	E lo dico anch’io. Eppure ella mi chiamò così; e questa bella gentildonna, sua sorella qui, mi chiamò fratello. (A Luciana) Ciò che allora vi dissi spero d’avere agio di confermarlo, se questo che vedo e odo non è un sogno.
ANGELO	Quella è la catena, signore, che aveste da me.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Credo di sì, signore. Non lo nego.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	(ad Angelo) E voi, signore, per questa catena mi faceste arrestare.
ANGELO	Credo d’averlo fatto, signore. Non lo nego.
ADRIANA	(ad Antifolo di Efeso) Vi mandai denaro, signore, per la vostra cauzione, per mezzo di Dromio, ma credo che non ve l’abbia portato.
DROMIO DI EFESO	No, nulla per mezzo mio.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	(ad Adriana) Questa borsa di ducati la ricevetti da voi, e Dromio, il mio servo, me la portò. Vedo che di continuo incontravamo il servo l’uno dell’altro, e io fui preso per lui, ed egli per me, e di qui sono sorti questi errori.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Questi ducati li do in pegno per mio padre qui.
DUCA	Non ce ne sarà bisogno. Tuo padre ha salva la vita.
CORTIGIANA	Signore, debbo riavere da voi quel diamante.
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Eccolo, prendetelo, e molte grazie per la vostra buona accoglienza.
BADESSA	Rinomato Duca, degnatevi di prendervi l’incomodo di venire con noi qui nell’abbazia, e d’udire narrate per esteso tutte le nostre vicende, e voi tutti che siete radunati in questo luogo, che per quest’errore d’un solo giorno, tutto intrecciato, avete patito torto. Venite, tenéteci compagnia, e ne avrete piena soddisfazione. Trentatré anni sono stata in travaglio di voi, figli miei, e fino a quest’ora presente del mio grave fardello non m’ero sgravata. Il Duca, mio marito, e i miei due figli, e voi, calendari della loro nascita, venite a una festa di comari, e gioite con me. Dopo sì lungo dolore, tale festività!
DUCA	Con tutto il cuore farò da compare a questa festa.
(didascalia)	Escono nel priorato tutti tranne i due Dromi e i due fratelli Antifoli
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	(ad Antifolo di Efeso) Padrone, debbo andare a prendere la vostra roba a bordo?
ANTIFOLO DI EFESO	Dromio, che roba mia hai imbarcato?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	I vostri beni che stavano in deposito, signore, al Centauro.
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Parla a me.—Io sono il tuo padrone, Dromio. Vieni, va’ con noi. A quello penseremo fra poco. Abbraccia là tuo fratello; rallegrati con lui.
(didascalia)	Escono i fratelli
ANTIFOLO DI SIRACUSA	Antifolo
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	C’è una grassa amica alla casa del vostro padrone, che oggi a pranzo mi fece da cuoca al posto vostro. Ella ora sarà mia sorella, non mia moglie.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Mi pare che voi siate il mio specchio e non mio fratello. Vedo da voi che sono un giovanotto di dolce aspetto. Volete entrare a vedere le loro chiacchiere di comari?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Non io, signore, voi siete il mio maggiore.
DROMIO	di EFESO Questa è una bella domanda. Come la decideremo?
DROMIO DI SIRACUSA	Tireremo a sorte per il maggiore. Fino allora, guida tu per primo.
DROMIO DI EFESO	Anzi, facciamo così: venimmo al mondo come fratello e fratello, e ora andiamo mano nella mano, non l’uno davanti all’altro.
(didascalia)	Escono verso il priorato